


Hear My Beating Heart One Last Time

by khaleesiq



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Divergent AU, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, a little bit of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:15:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6516190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khaleesiq/pseuds/khaleesiq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>“Is this… is it normal?” Liam asks. “To get more than one result?</em><br/><em>“Not at all,” she replies, and Liam’s heart pounds a little harder in fear. “They have a word for it, but it’s dangerous and you can’t tell anyone, not even your parents, what you are.”</em><br/><em>“What am I?” Liam asks, getting more nervous by the second.</em><br/><em>“It’s called Divergent,” she tells him in a hushed voice.</em><br/>(Or, a Divergent AU that doesn't follow the book series at all and Liam is Divergent and hiding and Zayn is Erudite and trying to save Divergents.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hear My Beating Heart One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to post this on Wednesday but I couldn't, so now I'm doing it on Sunday! This fic took a long time to write, but I hope you like it. I'm really excited about it! Thank you to Harmony for making a beautiful graphic for this fic!
> 
> Title taken from "Beating Heart" by Ellie Goulding.

There’s a light drizzle of rain as Liam crosses the street to the strange metal sculpture where he promised to meet Zayn. Zayn always says that it’s supposed to be a bean, but that doesn’t make it any less strange.

He stands underneath the curve and stares up at his warped reflection that makes his head look too big and his body too small as he waits for Zayn. He’s nervous because he knows that if he got caught outside this late there would be harsh repercussions. He just hopes that Zayn hurries up.

Getting tired of standing, Liam sits down and leans his back against the cool metal of the structure. As soon as he does so, he suddenly hears a deep voice yell, “Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing out here?”

A nervous gasp gets caught in Liam’s throat as he quickly stands up and looks around for the source of the voice. He can’t see the person anywhere, so he has no idea where to run away from. He’s backing away from the bean, going out the way he came, slowly, his eyes darting everywhere for the source when his back hits something hard.

He whirls around, his eyes wide, and gets ready to apologize profusely for being out this late and come up with a million terrible excuses until he realizes exactly who he bumped into. Zayn’s laughing, doubled over and clutching his stomach like this is the funniest thing that’s ever happened. Liam, on the other hand, glares at him and crosses his arms over his chest.

“It’s not _that_ funny,” Liam tells him.

Zayn straightens himself up and grins at him. “I’m sorry, babe, it wasn’t. But you should’ve seen your face, you were white as a ghost.”

Liam’s face flushes red. “I thought I had gotten caught.”

Zayn wraps his arms around Liam’s waist and pulls him in. “If you had gotten caught, I would’ve bailed you out.”

“Please tell me that wasn’t my birthday present,” Liam teases, his lips quirked up in a small smile as he removes one of Zayn’s hands from his waist and laces their fingers together.

“Trust me, your birthday present is much better than that,” Zayn says before leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss on the corner of Liam’s mouth. “Now c’mon, before we actually _do_ get caught.”

Liam whips his head around at his words, worried that someone actually can see them. Zayn just laughs and tugs him back under the bean structure and towards the park. Liam’s giddy as he follows Zayn, wondering what his present is.

All week, Liam had been worrying his mind over the Aptitude Test coming up and the Choosing Ceremony the day after that. He’d been hoping that by the time he turned sixteen he would be more sure of where he belonged, and yet, here he is, the night of his sixteenth birthday and he still has no clue what to do.

So when Zayn had told him that he would take him out on his birthday to ease his mind, Liam had been grateful for a distraction. But the tests are tomorrow, and he knows that whatever Zayn has done for him just won’t be enough to clear his head.

Zayn tugs Liam to the edge of the grass and then tells him to close his eyes. Liam looks at him skeptically and asks, “You’re not going to murder me are you?”

Zayn chuckles and shakes his head. “If I wanted to murder you I’d take you to another faction so no one would know it was me.”

“Oh, that’s a relief knowing that you know _where_ you would murder me should the opportunity present itself,” Liam replies dryly.

“Just close your eyes,” Zayn says with fond exasperation.

“Fine, fine, I’m closing them,” Liam says as he puts his hands up in surrender and closes his eyes. Liam hears the rustling of Zayn’s dark blue jacket as he steps around Liam’s body and presses his chest against his back.

“Just to be safe,” Zayn says in a low voice as he covers Liam’s eyes with his hands. He guides Liam forward slowly and gently. Zayn kisses his neck softly before whispering, “Open them.”

Zayn removes his hands and Liam opens his eyes. Laid out right before him is an elaborate picnic set up, complete with a red and white checkered blanket and all of Liam’s favorite foods, including a chocolate cake that Liam has no idea how Zayn got ahold of. That, paired with the full moon, the stars in the sky, and just being with Zayn, makes this one of the best birthday presents ever.

“Do you like it?” Zayn asks hesitantly, as if Liam had a reason to _not_ like it.

Liam turns around to see Zayn biting his lip and looking nervous. Liam smiles and wraps his arms around Zayn’s neck, pulling him into a deep and lingering kiss. “I love it. Thank you, Zayn,” Liam breathes against his mouth.

Zayn grins and kisses Liam again before saying, “C’mon Li, the chicken’s going to get cold.”

Liam pulls back and stares at him with wide eyes. “Chicken? Where the hell did you get chicken from? And the chocolate cake?”

Zayn grabs his hand again and pulls him toward the blanket. “I have my ways,” he says with a mischievous smile.

Liam snorts, following Zayn. Of course he knew where to get it, his parents are members of the council that rules their faction, Erudite. And because of that, he knows that come the day of the Choosing Ceremony, Zayn will undoubtedly choose Erudite not only because he actually belongs here, unlike Liam, but he’ll also be following in his parents’ footsteps.

And that’s what makes his decision even harder. Because while Zayn fits in this faction effortlessly, always getting good grades and doing his work right, Liam belongs anywhere but Erudite. Liam isn’t smart, doesn’t care about grades or homework like everyone else does, and he knows that he would never pass initiation if he did chose Erudite on Choosing Day. And yet, he still wants to just because he can’t bear the thought of losing Zayn.

Maybe he should listen to his parents. They said that it might be a good thing for them to choose different factions. That it will give Liam the chance to “meet other people and explore his options”. But the thing is, Liam has known Zayn for practically his whole life, and he’s been dating him for the past year and a half. At this point, Liam would give his life to be with Zayn.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Zayn says with a frown, pulling him down beside him. Liam falls back into Zayn’s chest. Zayn wraps his arms around Liam’s middle and puts his chin on his shoulder. “What’s up?”

Liam hangs his head, trying to avoid Zayn’s gaze. He brought Liam here to forget about their futures, and Liam feels as if he’s disappointing Zayn by thinking about it. “It’s nothing.”

Zayn places a finger on Liam’s chin and tilts it up so he’s looking at Zayn. “It’s obviously not nothing, Li. Come on, babe, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I know,” Liam says quietly, relaxing into Zayn’s hold. “It’s just—you took me here to distract me from thinking about the Choosing Ceremony, but I just can’t stop thinking about it, and I’m sorry.”

Zayn smiles, kissing Liam quickly on the cheek before saying, “That’s okay. I get it. It’s in _two days_ and there’s no going back from it once it’s done. There’s nothing to be ashamed of for worrying about it.”

Liam rests his head on Zayn’s chest and his voice is slightly muffled when he whispers, “I don’t know where I belong.”

He feels Zayn kiss the top of his head. “That’s what the Aptitude Test is for. To help you figure it out.”

“But what if it tells me to go somewhere I don’t want to go?” Liam says. “And I don’t want to leave you.” He adds the last part quietly, hoping Zayn doesn’t hear it.

But he does hear it, he always does. “Believe me, I don’t want to leave you either. Maybe—maybe we’ll end up having results for the same faction.”

Liam nods, but he doubts this will happen. Zayn is perfect for Erudite, and Liam is anything but. He humors Zayn though, convincing him that he believes this will work itself out on its own, when he knows it won’t. Well, at least he knows he’s not Candor.

“We should start eating before it all gets cold,” Zayn says softly, removing his hands from around Liam. Liam moves away from Zayn so that he can get out the food, but still stays as close to him as possible.

The food is good, really good. It’s quite possibly the best meal Liam’s ever had. He’s not sure what Zayn did to obtain this amazing quality of food, but he’s grateful that he did, and he’s not afraid to tell Zayn that after almost every bite. Every time he does, Zayn will lean over and kiss him, making Liam almost choke on his food.

Eventually, they finish what they can (Liam only getting to have a single bite of that irresistible chocolate cake because he’s so full) and they end up lying on their backs, half on the blanket, half on the grass, staring up at the stars, their hands intertwined.

“Remember that book my dad got for me when I was younger?” Zayn says. “The one with all the stories about the constellations?”

Liam nods, turning his head to look at Zayn, but he has his eyes focused on the sky.

“Do you see that one over there?” Zayn asks, pointing. Liam tries to see what Zayn sees, but they all just look scattered about randomly to him. “It’s near the one that looks like a ‘W’. The W one is Cassiopeia, but the one I’m talking about is named after her daughter, Andromeda.”

Liam looks back up at the sky, trying to find the right constellation. When he fails, he whispers, “I can’t find it.”

Zayn shifts closer to Liam so that there’s not even an inch of space between them and kisses his neck. “That’s okay. The constellation isn’t important; the story is.”

Liam shifts so that his head is resting in the space between Zayn’s head and his neck. “Tell me.”

Zayn chuckles and cards his fingers through Liam’s hair. “Our story starts with Andromeda’s mom, Cassiopeia, constantly bragging that her daughter was the most beautiful woman in the world. These sea nymphs who had been blessed with incredible beauty got angry at Cassiopeia for saying that and they asked Poseidon to punish her for it. So, he sent this sea monster to attack Cassiopeia’s kingdom, and fearing this monster, she and her husband searched for a solution. However, the only solution was to sacrifice their daughter to this sea monster. The two of them chained her to a rock by the sea and waited for the monster to get her.”

“That’s terrible,” Liam says. “That poor girl, why would they do that?”

Zayn smiles sadly. “Some people think their countries are more important than the ones they love.”

Liam frowns. Zayn sounds like he understands what that’s like, but that can’t be right. Liam knows his parents, they’re nice, wonderful people. They wouldn’t ever choose their faction over him.

“It gets better though,” Zayn tells him.

“What happens?” Liam asks.

“Andromeda has lost all hope in her family, humanity, and even herself. She’s ready to be killed by the sea monster when someone comes to her rescue. His name is Perseus, and he kills the sea monster by showing it the head of Medusa, which turns it to stone.”

“And let me guess,” Liam interrupts, “the two of them got married and lived happily ever after, didn’t they?”

Zayn laughs. “But of course. You know I hate stories that don’t have a happy ending.”

Liam’s quiet for a moment before saying hesitantly, “What about our story? Do you think it will have a happy ending?”

He leans up so he can look at Zayn as he thinks (he loves Zayn’s thinking face) and tries to figure out what he’s feeling. Finally, Zayn sighs and faces Liam, saying, “I don’t know. But I—I hope so. I really hope that, no matter what factions we choose in two days, it’s not the end of us. That somehow we’ll find a way. I don’t know how, but we’ll find a way. I promise we will, Liam.”

If there was a faction for hopefulness, that’s where Zayn and Liam would go. Because that’s all Liam has left right now: hope. Hope that he and Zayn will be okay, hope that he figures out where he belongs by the Choosing Ceremony, and hope that whatever happens, he’ll end up happy.

But for right now, all he can do is kiss Zayn. Zayn is all that matters at this moment. The way his lips are somehow always deliciously soft and wet, how his tongue feels swiping against Liam’s lower lip, before Liam opens his mouth and his tongue slides against Zayn’s. All that matters is Zayn moving so he’s on top of Liam, straddling him and kissing him until he’s breathless.

“I love you,” Liam gasps against Zayn’s mouth. Zayn pulls away, his eyes wide with surprise and Liam immediately regrets saying that. He hadn’t even meant to say anything like that, it just happened. But now that he’s said it, there’s no taking it back.

He’s about to take it back, say he’s sorry when Zayn ducks down and presses his mouth hard against Liam’s. “I love you, too,” he mumbles against Liam’s lips, pressing so hard like he’s trying to bruise the words there.

Liam can’t stop smiling as Zayn presses kiss after kiss on his lips, his cheeks, his jaw, anywhere. Zayn starts kissing his neck, sucking lightly as his hands begin sliding underneath his shirt, and Liam is arching up into him, wanting Zayn so badly, never wanting this to end.

But it does. Just as Zayn and Liam start pulling Liam’s shirt off they hear a voice from across the lawn. Zayn and Liam sit up quickly and don’t even think as they start gathering up the food and the blanket and hurry back across the street to the apartments where their families live.

Liam is giggling like an idiot by the time they get to his door, and Zayn is leaning against him, his head buried in Liam’s chest as he tries to muffle his own laughter.

“My parents would’ve killed me if I had gotten caught out past curfew,” Zayn says.

“Would you still have bailed me out if we had?” Liam asks.

Zayn straightens himself and kisses Liam gently. “‘Course I would.”

Liam smiles and wraps his arms around Zayn, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder as he feels Zayn’s arms go around his waist. “I’m scared for tomorrow.”

Zayn presses his lips against Liam’s temple and tightens his hold. “I know. I am too. But I think—I think it’s going to be okay. I think we’re going to be alright. Like Andromeda. Even when all hope was lost she ended up okay.”

Liam nods, his nose bumping against Zayn’s shoulder as he does so. He feels Zayn rubbing his hand up and down Liam’s back slowly, and hears him mumbling soft reassurances in his ear. Finally, Liam pulls away, but not before he plants a quick kiss on Zayn’s cheek.

“You alright?” Zayn asks.

Liam nods. “Thank you, Zayn. For the picnic, the night, for everything.”

Zayn smiles, reaching his hand up to brush his thumb lightly across Liam’s cheek. “Anything for you, babe.”

Zayn gives him one last quick kiss before Liam opens the door and heads inside. He’s about to shut the door behind himself when he hears a quiet, “Liam?”

Liam peeks his head out to see Zayn smiling sheepishly at him. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Liam tries to bite back the grin that starts to take over his whole face, pushing up his cheeks and making his eyes crinkle at the corners. “Love you, too,” he replies before shutting the door softly so he doesn’t wake his parents.

He falls asleep for the first time that week thinking about something other than the Choosing Ceremony.

***

Liam clutches onto Zayn’s hand underneath the cafeteria table tightly as he waits for his name to be called. He looks around at all the other Erudite, reading newspapers and books and seeming totally calm. Even Zayn’s voice seems cool and collected as he reads to Liam to keep him at ease.

He jumps a little whenever someone comes out and calls a few names at a time, simultaneously hoping that his name doesn’t get called and that it does just so he can get this stupid test over with.

“Zayn Malik,” the administrator calls loudly.

Liam stares at Zayn with wide pleading eyes, silently begging him not to go, even though he knows he has to. Zayn smiles and discreetly kisses his cheek and whispers, “I’ll be back soon.”

Liam nods and whispers back, “Good luck.”

He watches as Zayn is escorted into the back of the building, where the testing rooms are. He desperately wishes that he could go in there with him, but that’s not possible. So he sits and waits in silence, wondering how many other people have last names that start with letters between M and P.

After what seems like forever, he finally hears the administrator call out, “Liam Payne,” and he almost jumps out of his seat. He trails slowly after her, dragging his feet, as she leads him and the few other kids that she called for down the long, endless hallway to the testing rooms.

Liam is put into the third testing room, where he’s greeted by a young woman wearing a dull gray dress, a clear indicator that she’s from Abnegation. Most of the test administrators are from Abnegation, because they’re selfless and volunteer for any cause they can. But because they can’t be administered the test from someone of their own faction, the Abnegation kids have administrators from other factions. What factions they are, Liam has no idea.

The room he’s in is brightly lit and has mirrors covering all the walls. There’s a large chair in the center of the room that reminds him of a dentist’s chair. Next to the chair is a cart with a computer and all kinds of wires and buttons.

“I’m Gemma,” the woman greets. “And you must be…” She glances at a clipboard. “Liam Payne, from Erudite.”

“Yeah…” Liam says, not quite sure what exactly he’s supposed to say.

She studies him with an unreadable expression. “Blue isn’t really your color, is it?”

Liam blushes and adjusts his light blue suit jacket his mother had forced him into before he left for his test this morning. He knows Gemma isn’t talking about the color itself, she’s talking about Erudite not being his faction. “Not really,” he answers.

“Well then,” she says, adjusting the large dentist-like chair in the center of the room, “let’s see what color is yours.”

She gestures for Liam to sit down on the chair. Once he’s seated she adjusts it once more, asking if he’s comfortable. He nods and she goes over to the cart. When she returns to Liam, she has a small glass of clear liquid in one hand and electrodes in the other.

“What’s that for?” Liam asks, eyeing the glass warily.

“It’s the serum for the simulation,” Gemma tells him patiently. “And this,” she continues, sticking the electrodes to various places on his face, “is to monitor your results. Are you ready?”

Liam lets out a shaky breath. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Gemma smiles. “Don’t worry. It’ll be over before you know it.”

She offers him the serum. Liam takes it and downs it in one gulp. The liquid is practically tasteless, but there’s a hint of something strange there that Liam can’t put a description to that makes it different from water. Before he can think too much about it, his eyes close and he falls asleep.

***

When he opens his eyes again, he’s not in the same room he fell asleep in. He’s in the same chair, but where there were mirrors on the wall in the other room, these walls are just blank and white. He stands up, slowly, hesitantly, looking around for his test administrator.

“Gemma?” he calls. Then it hits him: this is the simulation.

Suddenly he hears a loud voice boom overhead, “Choose.” The even tone is slightly familiar, but he doesn’t have a lot of time to think about it before a table with two items appears before him.

“Choose,” he hears again.

He looks at his options: a large piece of cheese and a sharp knife. He’s not a huge fan of knives, or sharp things in general, so he hesitantly picks up the cheese. The table disappears and he’s wondering what exactly the point of that was when a huge, ferocious dog appears before him. Surprised, he drops the cheese, but before he can pick it up again, it disappears.

“Shit,” he mutters. What the hell is he going to do now? Then he remembers: this isn’t real. It’s just a simulation. It’s like a dream; once he realizes that he’s sleeping, he can manipulate it however he wants.

He closes his eyes and imagines that, instead of a growling beast before him, it’s something a little tamer. When he opens his eyes again, he sees a happy, friendly puppy trying to jump on him and lick his hand. He giggles, reaching his hand out to let it lick it, but just as the puppy reaches for him, he notices someone standing a few feet away from them and looks up and away from the puppy.

It’s a small child, probably around four or five years old, and he looks terrified. Liam is about to ask him what’s wrong when he suddenly hears a deep growl coming from below him. He looks down and sees that the puppy has turned back into a full-sized dog, and he looks even more ferocious than before.

Before Liam can think to do anything else, he finds himself running toward the child and tugging him out of the way just as the dog leaps for them. Liam watches as the dog jumps into thin air, and then disappears into the ground. Before Liam knows what’s happening, the child and the walls start to melt away into a new setting.

He looks around, confused, and finds himself on a bus filled with people. He’s standing, and when the bus lurches forward, he grabs ahold of a nearby pole before he can fall to the ground. It all feels so real that he has to constantly remind himself that this is just a simulation.

“Do you know who this is?” a man with severe burns on his hands sitting to the right asks sharply.

Liam looks around, wondering who he’s speaking to, but no one else seems to be paying attention. He looks at the man to find him staring directly into Liam’s eyes. Taken aback by the angry look in his gaze, Liam stutters, “Wh—who?”

The man waves his newspaper in Liam’s face and repeats in an annoyed tone, “This man here!” He points to a large picture of a generic looking man on the front page titled with the words “Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!” “Do you know who he is?”

The weird thing is, Liam feels as if he does know who the man is, even though he’s positive he’s never seen him in his entire life. He shakes his head though, afraid of what would happen to him if he did say he knew him.

“Please!” the man begs. “If you know him, you could save me!”

Liam has a terrible feeling that he will face awful repercussions if he admits to knowing him, even though he feels bad for the man. Still, he continues to deny knowing the man on the newspaper.

“You’re lying aren’t you?” the man accuses. “You’re _lying_! You know him don’t you!”

“I—I don’t,” Liam insists, his palms getting sweatier by the second.

Then the man stands and Liam sees his face clearly. He has burns that match his hands covering his face. He repeats, in a much louder voice that has everyone on the bus turning to stare at them, “Do you know who he is? If you do you could save me!”

And yet, Liam still shakes his head. He feels guilty, he really does, but this isn’t real, so nothing bad will really happen if he denies knowing the man in the paper.

“Please!” the man continues to beg. “You know him! You’re lying!”

“I’m not lying,” Liam persists, just hoping that this will end soon. “I swear I’m not.”

“But you could save me!” the man yells. “If you know him you could save me!”

“I’m sorry,” Liam says. “I don’t know him.”

***

When Liam wakes up he feels disoriented and his head is fuzzy. He sits up and looks around the room, relieved to be back in the testing room. He sees Gemma standing at the computer with a confused expression on her face. Liam bites his lip.

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

Gemma jumps a little at the sound of his voice. “What? Oh—yeah, it—everything is okay, I’m just a little confused.”

Why would she be confused? Liam always thought the tests were pretty straightforward in their results.

“I’m sorry,” she says, heading for the door. “I’ll be right back.”

She’s gone before Liam can protest. He sits back against the chair with a sigh. At least the test is over. But what did that mean, that Gemma’s confused? What’s going on? Did he do something wrong?

The door opens and Gemma comes back in and perches on the arm of the chair. When she doesn’t say anything Liam prompts her with, “Well, what’s my result?”

She looks at her hands as she says quietly, “It was inconclusive.”

Liam was expecting her to say anything, from “Amity” to “Erudite”, but he wasn’t expecting her to say that at all. “Inconclusive?” he squeaks. “Does that mean I don’t belong anywhere?”

She shakes her head. “It means that you have an aptitude for more than one faction.”

“Which ones?” Liam asks, hoping beyond hope that one of them is Erudite so he can stay with Zayn.

“Amity and Abnegation,” she tells him, and his heart deflates a little.

“Is this… is it normal?” Liam asks. “To get more than one result?”

“Not at all,” she replies, and Liam’s heart pounds a little harder in fear. “They have a word for it, but it’s dangerous and you can’t tell anyone, not even your parents, what you are.”

“What am I?” Liam asks, getting more nervous by the second.

“It’s called Divergent,” she tells him in a hushed voice.

Liam stares at her, his mind racing at a thousand miles an hour. “How did this happen?”

“Well,” she starts, standing up and pacing around the room, “when you had to choose between the cheese and the knife, you chose the cheese, correct?”

“Yes,” Liam says, drawing the word out a little.

“So that proved that you had an aptitude for Amity. The Dauntless usually choose the knife. Then… and this is where things get a little fuzzy. You saved the child from the dog, which is an Abnegation response, but then on the bus, you refused to tell the man the truth, ruling out Candor, but if you had felt bad you would have said you knew him anyway to save him, which would’ve shown you’re Abnegation, but you didn’t do that either. So all in all, your results are inconclusive.”

Liam feels like he can’t breathe. This test was supposed to help him figure out where to go, but now he’s left feeling more confused than ever. And not only that, but he’s something _dangerous_? What does Gemma even expect him to do with information like that?

“Liam?” Gemma says, coming back over to the chair and placing a gentle hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

Liam drops his head in his hands, leaning forward as he tries to remember how to breathe. He faintly hears Gemma say something about taking deep and even breaths, but he just can’t. He’s gasping for breath as black spots dance at the edge of his vision, and he wonders if he’s going to pass out.

Then he feels a sharp pain in his neck. His head snaps up and he notices Gemma plunging a syringe filled with green liquid into his neck. When she takes it away Liam falls back against the chair, feeling weightless. He can finally breathe again and he feels like he’s floating on air.

“What…” Liam says, his tongue feeling too big for his mouth. “What was that?”

Gemma bites her lip and gives him a sympathetic look. “Peace Serum. You were freaking out and I didn’t know what else to do. It shouldn’t last too long, I didn’t give you much.”

“I like it,” Liam says, letting out a content sigh. “I feel… I feel like a feather.”

She laughs. “Are you going to be okay?”

Liam nods. He can’t even remember what he was so worried about anyway.

“If you’re scared or you need anything or have any questions you can talk to my brother,” Gemma says, going over to the cart and grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. “He’s Erudite, he’ll be taking his test next year. His name is Harry Styles, this is his address.”

She hands him the piece of paper and looks at Liam expectantly. He nods, even though he barely even registered anything she just said. He’s been too busy thinking about how lovely the sunshine is after that horrible week of rain.

“And you can tell him what you are,” she adds in a quieter voice. “His boyfriend, Louis, is Divergent. He can help you.”

Liam nods again, focusing on one particular word she said. “Boyfriend?”

Gemma freezes. “That doesn’t bother you, does it?”

Liam shakes his head fervently. Right now nothing bothers him. “I—too. I mean, I do too. Have a boyfriend. He’s wonderful. He loves me.”

Gemma laughs again. “Good. We better get you out of here before my supervisor wonders why you’re taking so long.”

Liam starts to stand up but his legs feel like they’re made of jelly and he ends up falling back onto the chair. He starts giggling uncontrollably and Gemma has to help him up and out of the room.

“Are your parents picking you up?” Gemma asks as she shifts to bear his weight better.

“I came here with my boyfriend,” Liam tells her, wincing when he says it too loudly. Wait, why is he trying to hide that he has a boyfriend again? He wants everyone to know he has a boyfriend and that they love each other very much. “The wonderful one. The one who loves me.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Gemma says, leading him to the exit. Once outside, he spots Zayn sitting on a bench near the Hub, the building where the tests take place. Liam gives a shout of glee and runs straight for Zayn, flinging his arms around his neck when he reaches him.

“Hi babe,” Zayn laughs, nervously glancing around to see if anyone is watching them. He relaxes a little when he sees that they’re practically the only ones out here. “How was your test?”

“Beautiful,” Liam replies, pulling back and running his fingers over Zayn’s face. His skin is so warm and smooth; Liam can’t get enough of it. He can’t get enough of Zayn.

“Your test was beautiful?” Zayn asks, confused.

“ _You’re_ beautiful,” Liam clarifies, reaching up to kiss him, but Zayn gently pushes him away. Liam pouts, but he can’t stay sad for too long because the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and the most amazing person in the world is standing in front of him.

“Is he okay?” Zayn asks, looking past Liam at Gemma.

“He was having a bit of a freak out so I gave him some Peace Serum,” Gemma explains. “I thought I gave him the right amount, but it appears that I may have given him a bit too much.”

“I’ll look after him,” Zayn promises, putting an arm around Liam’s shoulders. Liam leans into him, his body nice and warm and solid beneath his own. “Thank you…”

“Gemma,” she fills in for him. She looks at Liam. “Remember what I said in there, okay? I hope I see you again, Liam.”

“Bye!” Liam yells, waving enthusiastically at Gemma as she disappears back inside the Hub. He turns back to Zayn. “Can I kiss you now?”

Zayn laughs and begins to guide Liam toward the bus stop. “Let’s get you home first. Then you can kiss me all you want.”

***

Liam wakes up wondering how he managed to fall asleep. The last thing he remembers is freaking out after Gemma told him he’s Divergent, and then making a complete ass out of himself after she gave him the Peace Serum. He also remembers Zayn bringing him home, and then begging Zayn to stay with while he falls asleep, but Zayn is nowhere in sight.

That is, until the door slowly opens and Zayn walks in with two pieces of leftover chocolate cake from the night before. He smiles at Liam as he sets a plate down in front of him on the bed before perching on the edge of it.

“How are you feeling?” Zayn asks.

“On a scale of one to ten, how embarrassing was I?” Liam asks.

Zayn laughs. “Well, aside from continually trying to kiss me in front of the Hub and on the bus, you weren’t too bad. Oh, and you also wouldn’t shut up about what a lovely day it is.”

Liam’s face turns bright red and he hides his face in his hands. “I’m sorry for that.”

Zayn takes a hand away from his face and threads his fingers in between the spaces of Liam’s. “It’s okay. I don’t think anyone noticed.”

Liam feels really bad that he did something like that. It’s not that either of them are ashamed of their relationship, in fact they want nothing more than to tell the world that they’re together. It’s just that Zayn is the son of two Erudite council members. If anyone found out that such prestigious members of their society’s son was dating a boy, the press would have a field day and they would tear his family apart. So they thought it would be safer if they just kept their relationship a secret from the public.

“Liam?” Zayn says, pulling Liam away from his thoughts. “Don’t worry about it, okay? It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know,” Liam says, turning his hand and playing with Zayn’s fingers. “It was the Peace Serum.”

Zayn bites his lip. “Why did you need the Peace Serum anyway?”

Liam wonders how much he should tell Zayn. Gemma told him that he can’t tell _anyone_ what he is. But he can trust Zayn. Zayn would never betray him and tell someone about him being Divergent. But Gemma did say that he can’t even tell his parents, and if he can’t tell his parents then why would it be okay to tell Zayn?

Liam decides that maybe it isn’t a good idea to tell Zayn what he is, so when he tells him what happened in the testing room, he carefully omits that part without making it too obvious that there’s something more to tell. Yeah, he definitely isn’t Candor.

“What were your results?” Zayn asks when he’s finished.

Liam’s mouth goes dry. What is he supposed to say, Abnegation or Amity? “We’re not supposed to talk about our results with anyone.”

Zayn snorts. “Honestly Liam, when have we ever followed the rules?”

Liam smiles because he’s right, they tend to think of rules and laws as optional. So he says the first faction that comes to his mind: “Amity.”

Zayn’s smile falters. “Amity,” he repeats hollowly.

Liam’s stomach drops. Judging by Zayn’s reaction he must have gotten something else, just as Liam had predicted. For once in his life, he wishes that he was wrong like he usually is. “You didn’t get Amity did you?”

Zayn shakes his head slowly. “Erudite,” he says quietly. “I got Erudite.”

Liam figured as much. He sighs and leans back against the headboard. “Well the tests don’t have to tell us which faction we choose, that’s up to us. I could choose Erudite—“

“You’re not choosing Erudite, Liam,” Zayn says sharply. “I know you and I know you wouldn’t be happy in Erudite. You should go to Amity.”

“But what if I would be happy in Erudite?” Liam argues. “I think I would be happy anywhere as long as I’m with you.”

Zayn smiles, but it’s a sad kind of smile that breaks Liam’s heart to look at. He sets both his and Liam’s plates of cake on Liam’s bedside table before moving so he’s sitting beside Liam, leaning heavily on him.

“I’ll go to Amity then,” Zayn offers. “We can both go to Amity. I think Amity would be nice. Everyone there is so peaceful and I’ve always wanted to try my hand at farming…”

Liam snorts. “You would die without a library to hole yourself up in. And I recall you calling the Amity a bunch of airheads once. You know how you said you know me? Well I know you too. And I know that you wouldn’t be happy in Amity.”

“What are we going to do?” Zayn says as Liam automatically wraps his arms around Zayn’s middle and pulls him tightly against his chest.

“I don’t know,” Liam murmurs. “Maybe you should just stay here and I should just go to Amity.”

“Liam—“ Zayn starts, twisting to look up at him.

Liam cuts him off with a kiss. “Erudite and Amity have a good relationship. I can probably visit you often.”

“Probably,” Zayn mutters without conviction. Liam sighs. Even though it’s true that Erudite and Amity have good relations, it’s highly frowned upon to travel between factions, especially to the one you were born in after you’ve just transferred. He remembers the words his parents and society have been drilling into his head since the day he was born: _Faction before blood_.

Zayn ends up falling asleep in Liam’s arms, but Liam remains wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He’s so confused by what he should do. On the one hand, he wants to stay with Zayn and choose Erudite, but on the other, he knows that that would be a terrible choice because there’s no way he would pass the initiation test and then he’d be factionless and he definitely wouldn’t see Zayn ever again.

Then there’s the Divergent factor. The fact that not only did his test tell him that he fits into not one, but two factions, but that he’s _dangerous_. What does that mean? That he himself is dangerous or that telling anyone what he is is dangerous? All he knows is that something really terrible will happen if he does tell anyone.

Wanting to distract himself from his thoughts, he slowly gets up from the bed, careful not to disturb Zayn’s sleep (although he doesn’t think that’s entirely possible; that boy can sleep through anything), and walks out of his room, shutting the door softly behind him.

All the lights are off in his apartment, but he’s used to sneaking out to hang out with Zayn late at night so maneuvering around in total darkness is not a problem for him. He leaves the apartment and heads down the hall with no idea of where he wants to go.

He ends up outside, walking on the outskirts of Erudite’s territory. He looks around at his surroundings, everything that makes up his faction, wondering if he will ever see any of this ever again. Or if it would trap him here forever. He can’t figure out which would be worse.

He’s about to head to the park where he spent the night before with Zayn when he hears footsteps behind him. He tenses and whirls around, hoping beyond hope that it’s not an officer or someone who can get him into trouble for being out this late. But when he turns around it’s so dark outside that all he can see is a faint outline of someone a few yards away.

“Who’s there?” he calls, because he’s an idiot who’s just begging to be caught. Then again, if it was an officer then he would have reprimanded Liam already, now wouldn’t he?

The person doesn’t answer, so Liam calls, “I know you’re there so why don’t you just answer me?”

When they don’t answer again, Liam figures that his mind was just playing tricks on him in the darkness and no one is actually there. However, just when he’s about to turn around again and continue on his way he hears a voice behind him.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just trying to be dark and mysterious.”

Liam spins on his heels and finds himself face to face with a boy that has wild brown hair and a grinning face. Liam stumbles backward, surprised at the strange boy’s presence, and bumps into something solid. He turns to see another boy, this one with more tame and lighter brown hair and a smirk instead of a grin covering his face.

“What—who— _what the hell is going on_?” Liam demands as he whips his head around to look at the two strangers.

“Aw,” the boy with the smirk says, “your sister didn’t mention how adorable he was. He’s like a little lost puppy.”

Normally, Liam hates being referred to as a puppy (even though Zayn _insists_ that the resemblance is uncanny), but he’s too confused by what’s happening at the moment to care. “Do I know you?” he asks. “Do you know _me_? And who’s your sister?”

“Okay, just calm down, Liam,” the one with the grin says, reaching for Liam’s arm.

Liam snatches it away and glares at him. “How do you know my name?” he demands.

“Maybe we should have explained ourselves first,” the one with the smirk says.

“Or maybe you shouldn’t have followed me around after curfew,” Liam shoots back.

The boy’s smirk widens into a grin. “I like him. I’m Louis, by the way.” He offers a hand to shake but Liam refuses to take it. He shrugs his shoulders and gestures to the other boy. “He’s Harry.”

Liam feels like he’s heard that name before, but he’s positive he’s never met anyone named Harry. “I’m Liam, but apparently you two already knew that.”

Harry winces and looks apologetic while Louis simply shrugs again. “Sorry about following you,” Harry says sincerely. “We just didn’t know when else to talk to you.”

“Why would you want to talk to me?” Liam asks.

Harry and Louis exchange a look. Louis gestures to Liam as if to say, “Go ahead, tell him,” and Harry sighs before saying, “Your test administrator today was named Gemma, yeah?”

“Yes,” Liam says, drawing out the “s”. What does that have to do with anything?

“I’m her brother,” Harry tells him, and— _oh_. That’s where Liam knew the name Harry from.

“She—she told me to find you,” Liam says. “She said that your boyfriend, Louis is—oh.” Liam looks at Louis, who is looking back at him with an expectant expression on his face, and it suddenly becomes clear what they’re doing here. “You’re here to talk to me about being Divergent.”

The two of them nod solemnly. Harry says, “We would’ve waited until you were ready to come find us—Gemma mentioned that she told you where to find me—but she said that she’d rather we talked to you about this sooner instead of later.”

Liam’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Why?”

Again, Harry and Louis exchange a look. This time, though, it’s Louis who speaks. “You can’t choose Erudite.”

Liam tenses. If Gemma told them that he’s Divergent then she must have told him which factions he got for his results. “I—how did you know I was considering it?”

“We didn’t actually,” Louis says slowly. “It’s just that you were born here, and sometimes people don’t want to leave their home faction, even if they don’t have an aptitude for it.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s—that’s what I was thinking,” Liam says unconvincingly.

Louis gives him a skeptical look. “I honestly don’t give a shit about your reasons, you just can’t choose it.”

“Why not?” Liam demands.

“Because it’s dangerous,” Harry tells him.

Liam groans in frustration. “Will you just stop being so fucking vague? Just tell me what the hell is going on! Don’t I have a right to know?”

“You don’t have a right to know _anything_ ,” Louis sneers. “Most people like you and I don’t have the privilege of knowing what’s happening and that they need to hide. And do you know what happens to them, Liam? They die. So stop acting like deserve to know anything when you’re so much luckier than the rest of us.”

Liam’s taken aback by Louis’s words. He had no idea, no _fucking idea_ , how serious this whole Divergent business was. He didn’t know that people have gotten _killed_ for being Divergent. What exactly _is_ he?

“I—I’m sorry,” Liam stammers. “I had no idea.”

“No you didn’t, did you?” Louis says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Because the council members and the leaders of every faction, especially Erudite, have worked so hard to cover everything up, from the existence of Divergents to mysterious deaths.”

“I just want to know _why_ though,” Liam says.

“Divergence threatens the conformity the factions’ founders worked to avoid,” Harry explains. “Being Divergent means that you can’t adapt to one certain way of thinking and you don’t think the way the factions are meant for. You don’t conform, and that makes you dangerous because who knows what you’re capable of.”

“That’s it?” Liam says incredulously. “That’s all Divergent means? That we don’t conform? Why are people getting killed for it then?”

“Well,” Louis says hesitantly, unsure of how exactly to explain what’s happening in their world right now, “we don’t _fit_ into one faction. And faction leaders typically want us to think the way they want us to think, but if we don’t fit into just their faction then we start to form our own thoughts and who knows how long there will be until a Divergent revolution?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Liam says without thinking. It’s true, though. Why would someone be threatened by someone just because they don’t conform or think the exact same thoughts they do?

“It is ridiculous,” Louis agrees. “But that’s the way it is. And guess which faction’s leader is in charge of the extermination.”

“Erudite,” Liam guesses.

“Yep,” Louis says, popping the “p”. “That’s why you can’t choose Erudite. Our leader has eyes everywhere, and she’ll know what you are before you even make it through initiation.”

Liam eyes Louis’s blue clothing curiously. “But you’re Divergent, and you chose Erudite.”

“I chose my faction way before the killings started to get really bad,” Louis tells him. “Plus, my mom is Divergent, so I figured out how to hide myself before I even knew I was Divergent.”

“You could teach me,” Liam tries.

Louis shakes his head. “They would still find you, no matter how much I taught you. You just don’t _understand_ enough yet, Liam, but that’s not your fault. No one ever told you about this so it’s all new to you, but I promise that you’ll figure everything out soon enough. For now, though, you can’t choose Erudite.”

“What _can_ I choose then?” Liam asks curiously. If Erudite’s leader is after Divergents, he wonders what other faction leaders are as well.

Harry and Louis take a moment to contemplate Liam’s question. Finally, Harry answers, “That’s hard to say. I think there’s something going on between Erudite and Dauntless, so I would avoid that.”

Like Liam would ever fit in Dauntless. They scare him. They say they’re brave and yet they run around jumping on and off moving trains and getting into all kinds of trouble. There’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity, and Liam thinks that they’ve definitely crossed it.

“I don’t think Abnegation is safe either,” Louis mentions.

Harry bristles. Oh yeah, his sister is in Abnegation. “What? Why not?”

“I was in the lab the other day and I overheard someone talking about how they think Abnegation is full of liars and deceivers, and they can’t wait until they get what’s coming for them,” Louis tells them. “I don’t know if he was speaking figuratively or what, but just in case, I wouldn’t choose Abnegation either. And Harry, I would tell your sister to just be cognizant of her surroundings at all times and be careful.”

Harry nods his understanding. Liam says, “So if I can’t choose Erudite, and I can’t choose Dauntless or Abnegation either, then that just leaves me with Amity.”

“And Candor,” Harry points out.

Liam makes a face. “Choose a faction full of people who refuse to lie and despise anyone who does lie while trying to hide who I really am? I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“So, yes, your only good option is Amity,” Louis says. “Good luck with that, hope to see you soon—“

“Hold on!” Liam cries before the two of them can leave him alone and confused about this whole situation. “You think that you can just tell me that there are a bunch of people out to kill me, that I don’t even get a choice in my faction if I want to be safe, and then _leave_?”

“What else do you want us to say?” Louis inquires. “We told you what you needed to hear, there’s nothing else for us to do for you.”

“Fine,” Liam says. “I just—I just have one more question. Please?”

Louis looks like he’s going to walk away and ignore Liam, but Harry gives him a sympathetic look and asks, “Sure. Ask us anything.”

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis hisses.

“Who can I tell?” Liam asks. “Gemma said that I can’t trust anyone, but does that include my parents or my boy—Zayn?”

“Who the fuck is Zayn?” Louis asks.

“My best friend,” Liam says a little too quickly. It’s not quite a lie; Zayn is first and foremost his best friend, but he can’t really say just that anymore without feeling like he’s lying about a huge part of his life.

“Now I understand why you didn’t get Candor as a result,” Louis says, grinning. “You’re a terrible liar, you know that? They would’ve seen right through you and kicked you out.”

Liam ignores him in favor of listening to Harry’s answer.

“For now, I wouldn’t tell anyone,” Harry says. “Just to be safe. When you understand more about the situation and what you are, then you might tell a couple of people, but even then I’d still be wary and only tell the most trustworthy people.”

Liam nods. He wishes he could tell Zayn. If he can barely lie to two complete strangers, then how is he supposed to lie to the most important person in his life? Not to mention the hurt Zayn will feel when Liam chooses Amity over Erudite tomorrow. Sure, they talked about this earlier and he knows that Zayn would never hold his choice against him, but he knows that a small part of Zayn is secretly hoping that Liam will just say “Fuck that” and stay with him.

“Is there anything else you want to know?” Harry asks as Louis bounces from one foot to the other, clearly getting antsy.

“I think I’m good for now,” Liam tells him. It’s not even a lie this time. Of course there are some things he’s still confused about, but he’s not sure if Harry and Louis can answer his questions. Besides, he’s getting a little antsy as well.

“Do you still have my address on the piece of paper Gemma gave you earlier?” Harry asks.

Liam tries to think back to earlier this afternoon, and vaguely recalls Gemma saying something about her brother before thrusting a slip of paper into his hand. He nods.

Harry grins. “Great. So you know where to find me. And where you find me, you usually find Louis as well. We all better get going, though. Big day tomorrow, yeah?”

Oh right. The Choosing Ceremony is tomorrow. “Yeah,” Liam says half-heartedly.

Louis smiles. “Oh don’t worry, it’s not as bad as everyone thinks it will be.”

“Says the guy who just warned me about all the bad things that could happen to me if I make one wrong move,” Liam says.

“I think you’re being a bit overdramatic,” Louis says. “I’m positive I didn’t say anything like that.”

“Sure you didn’t,” Liam says.

“Anyway,” Harry interrupts, “we really should go. Good night, Liam, and good luck with everything. I hope we see you soon.”

“I hope I see you soon too,” Liam answers back sincerely. “And thank you, for everything.”

Harry and Louis give Liam one last glance before disappearing around the corner and into the night, each wearing the same expressions Liam had first seen them with.

***

Liam goes to The Hub, where the Choosing Ceremony takes place every year, with his parents and two older sisters, who both chose Erudite when they were sixteen. He wishes he could have gone with Zayn, but Zayn’s parents scare him a little and he knows that he owes his parents this much considering that he won’t be seeing much of them after today.

He’s sure that his parents are expecting him to choose Erudite, and he knows that they’ll all be disappointed when he inevitably chooses Amity instead. For as long as he can remember, every member of his family has been Erudite-born and they’ve only chosen Erudite when the time came. He can’t even imagine what a disgrace he’ll be after today. He just hopes his family will still love him.

That’s the other reason why he wants to stay in Erudite. It’s not just because of Zayn (although, he thinks that Zayn might be the most important reason, at least to him). If he chooses Amity today (which he will since Louis and Harry made him think that he didn’t really have a choice) then he will be the first member of his family to live in a faction other than Erudite. He hopes that his family isn’t so proud as to hate him forever.

“Are you alright honey?” his mother asks, stopping him briefly outside of The Hub while his father and sisters head inside. “Your hands are shaking.”

Liam looks down at his hands. She’s right, they are shaking, little convulsions that ripple from his hands throughout his entire body. “I’m fine,” Liam says, but there’s a false note to his voice.

His mother smiles. “You’re not choosing Candor today, are you? Because you’re not a very good liar, sweetie, never have been.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Liam says, trying to keep his tone light and teasing, but it ends up sounding strained, like he’s holding back tears. Which, now that he notices, he is. All he wants to do right now is fall into his mother’s arms and cry because he’s seriously scared right now, about doing something wrong and then being killed.

“Oh honey,” his mother says, wrapping Liam up in her strong and comforting embrace. Liam falls into it easily, letting his tears fall freely onto his mother’s blue sweater. He knows that she’s going to have a dark patch there later, but he can’t feel too guilty about that right now.

His mother runs a soothing hand through his hair while they stand right in front of The Hub entrance. Liam’s sure that people stare at them and judge them as they shove past them to get into the building, but he honestly doesn’t give a fuck about what they think. Today is a lot for him to deal with and fuck knows he deserves this.

“You know we love you no matter what you decide today, right?” his mother says. “You could choose Dauntless for all I care, and you know how I feel about them.”

“Too reckless for their own good,” Liam says, looking up at her with a small smile.

“Exactly,” his mother responds. “I’m just saying that you can do whatever you want, and we will all love you, unconditionally. Okay?”

Liam nods. “Okay.”

“Let’s go inside,” she says, putting a solid hand on his back and guiding him towards the door, “I think it’s about to start soon, and the last thing you want is to be late.”

Liam follows willingly until a fleeting thought passes through his mind. He even says, “Wait, Mom?” before he realizes that right now might be a terrible time to tell her something like this.

“Yes Liam?” she asks.

Then he thinks, _Maybe I should tell her_. Then she might understand why he’s choosing Amity over Erudite. She might even have some advice at how to protect himself and teach him more about what he is. Instead, though, he finds himself saying, “It’s nothing. We should just head inside.”

She nods, but she still looks confused. Liam ignores it as she leads him down the hall and to the room where his future awaits.

***

There’s a loose thread on his jacket, and he can’t stop playing with it. Every time he goes to twirl it around his finger, his mother patiently puts a hand on top of his to stop him. She never gets angry or annoyed with him when he continues doing it though. She must understand what he’s going through.

He looks around at all the different factions surrounding him. It’s strange to see them all, defined by their colors, sitting here in one place. Sure, not everyone at school is from the same faction, but there they’re all mixed together, not set apart like they are now. It makes Liam realize just how important it is to distinguish themselves from each other.

He looks behind him and catches Zayn’s eye a couple rows back. Zayn gives him a soft smile and a quick thumbs up. Liam feels his shoulders relax. It might not be much, but that small supportive gesture from his boyfriend makes him feel much better.

“Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony, ladies and gentlemen,” Lou Teasdale, the leader of Erudite, says as she takes her place at the center of the stage. “I hope you are all ready to make the decision that will determine the fate of your lives today.”

Liam has never liked her that much. If regular Erudite citizens are pretentious, then Lou is on a whole other level. Liam has heard his mother say that before Lou being Erudite was about having a thirst for knowledge, wanting to learn despite not knowing anything. When Lou took office, she decided that Erudite was about knowing everything and being superior in intellect.

Lou launches into her speech on the manifestos of each faction. Liam tunes her out, as he’s heard it all twice before when his sisters attended the Choosing Ceremony. Basically all she says is what each faction represents: Abnegation is selflessness, Amity is peace, Candor is honesty, Dauntless is bravery, and Erudite is knowledge. There’s a little bit of history behind why these five traits were chosen to rule the factions, but Liam’s learned it all before in history class.

“Now,” Lou says as she stands behind a long table set with five bowls, “we will begin the Choosing Ceremony.” Someone hands her a clipboard and she begins to read off the names. “Abigail Zimmerman.”

For reasons unknown to Liam, the list goes backwards alphabetically. Which means that Liam will end up having to choose before Zayn. He’s still not quite sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

It seems like years before Lou finally calls out, “Liam Payne.” His mother gives him a comforting pat on the back of his hand before standing to let him out. He wants to say something to her, tell her goodbye since he doesn’t know when the next time he’ll see her will be. But he can’t disrupt the ceremony.

Lou gives him a sickeningly sweet grin as she hands him a knife and steps back. This is the worst part of the ceremony, Liam thinks. Not having to make a decision that will impact the rest of his life, but having to slice open his palm. There has to be a better way for them to do this.

He carefully studies the substances in each of the bowls, thinking over his decision to make sure that it is the right one. He looks at the glass of Candor, stained red, the sizzling coals of Dauntless, the strands of red swirling around the water of Erudite, the soil of Amity that has a couple distinct drops of blood, and the smeared red on the stones of Abnegation.

He wants to stay in Erudite. He has to go to Amity. He wants to be with Zayn. He needs to find somewhere safe. If only he wasn’t Divergent. Better yet, if only he could just have an aptitude for Erudite. Is that so much to ask.

He hears a throat clear behind him and turns his head to see Lou tapping her heel impatiently. He rolls his eyes and almost considers drawing out his decision just to piss her off. But the ceremony is already long enough and they’re not even halfway through the names.

He winces as the knife bites into his palm, biting his lip to distract himself from the pain. He moves his hand slowly over the soil, trying not to let any blood drop into the other substances. There’s no sound as he watches a single drop of blood fall onto the soil.

“Liam Payne,” Lou announces, “has chosen Amity!”

There are cheers and hollers from the Amity section while the rest of the audience claps politely for him. Liam keeps his head down as he’s escorted to the front of the Amity section where all the other Amity initiates are waiting. There are only two so far.

They both reach out to Liam, trying to introduce themselves, but Liam can’t do that right now. The pain from both his wound and the loss of Zayn and his family are too much to bear right now. He knows Zayn and his mother had said that they would be alright with any decision he made, but everything is easier said than done.

In practically no time Lou is calling, “Zayn Malik,” and Zayn is taking his place behind the bowls. He takes even more time than Liam, his eyes burning a hole into one particular bowl, the knife poised over his palm but never cutting into it.

“Don’t,” Liam whispers, even though he knows that Zayn can’t hear him. “Don’t choose Amity. You won’t be happy here.”

Zayn raises his head and meets Liam’s eyes, as if he could hear Liam from across the room. Liam shakes his head, mouthing the word “don’t” over and over again.

Zayn sighs and quickly cuts his hand with barely any emotion and lets his blood drop into a different bowl.

“Zayn Malik,” Lou says, “has chosen Erudite!”

Zayn mouths “I love you,” to Liam as he takes a seat back in the Erudite section. Liam doesn’t say anything back because he refuses to let this be a goodbye.

***

The Dauntless leave in a frenzy of screeches and hollers. Liam has never understood how they could possibly all be so energetic all the time. The Erudite follow them, their heads held high and confident in themselves since they received so many initiates this year. Liam searches for Zayn in the crowd but he can’t find him in the sea of blue.

Amity goes once Erudite has left. Liam lets the crowd carry him forward, not able to calm his mind long enough to focus on walking. He doesn’t even realize they’re outside until someone nudges him from behind and says, “Hey, Amity is this way.”

Liam looks around and realizes that he had separated from the crowd and started walking toward Erudite. The person who had stopped him, a boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes wearing a red shirt with yellow pants, is giving him a concerned look.

“Oh, right,” Liam says, laughing the embarrassment off. “I guess I’m just used to walking towards Erudite.”

The boy shrugs and grabs Liam’s arm, tugging him back to the crowd of Amity. “It’s alright,” he says. “I’m sure it happens all the time.” He sticks his hand out with a grin. “I’m Niall by the way.”

“Liam,” Liam says, shaking Niall’s hand. He remembers his name being called, and a group of people standing up and cheering enthusiastically after he chose Amity. “You were from Amity already, yeah?”

Niall nods. “It’s a great place to be, I don’t why I’d ever choose anywhere else.” He eyes Liam’s blue suit. “You know we rarely ever get Erudite transfers. Usually they think that we’re a bunch of idiots that like to lie around doing nothing while singing songs.”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot,” Liam says, not bothering to mention that his boyfriend is the one he heard that from. “But I was never really Erudite.”

“Well, we’ll accept you no matter where you’re from,” Niall says, easily slinging an arm around Liam’s shoulders. Liam doesn’t understand people who can be so comfortable around people they’ve just met. The only person Liam acts like that around is Zayn, but they’ve known each other forever.

They catch up to the rest of Amity and Niall introduces Liam to his friend Jade who is every bit as bubbly as Niall. In fact, practically everyone around them is bubbly and relaxed and Liam feels very left out. Amity is about kindness and peace, but why does that mean that everyone has to be so fucking cheerful all the time?

He supposes that it’s for the same reason that Erudite has become about knowing everything rather than having a thirst for knowledge, or how the Dauntless are less about bravery and more about recklessness. It’s what other people expect from those factions, so that’s what they’ve become.

It’s dark by the time they reach the Amity compound, located at the edge of the city. With the tall electrified fence looming over the compound one would think that Amity was dark and dangerous, but as Liam gets closer to it, he notices small little wooden huts lined up along the fence and he feels a little warmer inside.

The crowd is led to a larger hut, what Liam assumes is a community center rather than a house. Once inside they automatically form a circle, leaving the middle open. Liam looks to Niall for an explanation, but he just brings a finger to his lips, signaling Liam to stay quiet.

“Welcome to Amity, initiates,” says the woman standing in the center of the room. She has a soothing and smooth voice that relaxes Liam slightly. “My name is Caroline Watson, and I am your new representative. Here in Amity we do not have an official ‘leader’ as then we wouldn’t be able to see each other as equals. I have been chosen to represent our faction during city-wide council meetings, but I do not make decisions for you all. That we do together.”

Liam likes the way they’ve decided to run things here. Erudite might think Amity is full of airheads, but having a “representative” instead of a “leader” is a good way to keep the peace.

“Now initiates,” Caroline says, scanning the crowd for colors other than red or yellow or orange. Her eyes land on Liam and she gives him a small smile. “I will escort you to a house where you live with your fellow initiates, both Amity-born and transfers. There you will find a change of clothes and a schedule for your initiation. You will find that our initiation is much less…rigorous than those of other factions. We do not wish to force anyone to leave, but we do expect you to uphold the values of our manifesto. Thank you.”

There’s a round of applause for Caroline’s small speech, and Liam wonders if everyone really appreciates her words that much or it their doing it just because it’s polite. Slowly the room starts to empty as people head back to their individual huts, until just the initiates are left.

Caroline doesn’t say a word as she leads the initiates to a hut that’s slightly larger than the other ones located next to the community hut. She points out a basket of Amity clothes in the communal living room, letting them know that they are all free to go through those clothes. After giving them the freedom to choose their roommate, she bids them a good night and leaves them alone.

Niall nudges Liam’s shoulder. “Wanna room with me?”

“It’s not like I know anyone else,” Liam says. “Well, except for Jade but she seems to already have a roommate.”

They glance over to where Jade is talking excitedly to a dark-skinned girl with curly hair wearing Candor colors.

Niall laughs. “Jade makes friends very easily,” he says. “She’s Amity through-and-through.”

Liam doesn’t say anything. He wishes that he could feel completely Amity like Jade and Niall. He just wishes he could be completely _anything_. Even here, where everyone is so kind and friendly he feels out of place.

He grabs a yellow shirt with orange pants from the basket before following Niall up the stairs. It takes them a while to find an empty room, but when they do it’s at the very end of the hallway. It’s set up very simply, just two beds and two dressers, a piece of paper on each pillow.

Liam gingerly picks up the paper and skims it. The schedule for initiation is basic: every morning they wake up, have breakfast, and work the fields until lunch time. After lunch they then go to the sun room in the community center and learn about the Amity manifesto (Niall says that usually they would have to go back out to the fields after lunch so this is an upgrade for him). Then they have dinner, and after dinner the initiates have a campfire and hold a “peace circle”, which sounds totally cheesy to Liam, but at least he doesn’t have to spend the entire day cramped in a room studying.

“You should probably get to bed early tonight,” Niall says once he’s done looking over the schedule. “You might not be used to getting up so early in the morning.”

Liam nods and climbs into bed. It feels strange going to bed this early, not having to stay up way past midnight studying, or sneaking out of the house to see Zayn.

_Zayn._ Liam wonders how he’s doing. If he misses Liam just as much as Liam misses him or if he has been so busy preparing for Erudite’s initiation that he hasn’t had time to miss Liam. At least Liam can take comfort in the knowledge that Zayn won’t feel just as out of place as Liam does here.

He wishes Zayn was here with him now, though, despite knowing how unhappy Zayn would be in Amity. He just wants to crawl into Zayn’s arms and hear him reassure Liam that everything is going to be okay. That Liam will find his place in Amity. Most of all, he just wants to hear Zayn tell him he loves him.

He falls asleep that night with his arms wrapped around his stomach and his knees tucked into his chest, pretending that Zayn is holding him.

***

Liam finds that he prefers to work in the fields of Amity rather than the classrooms of Erudite. He likes constantly having something to do with his hands. In Erudite, he would get so restless trying to read out of a book, and his mind would always wander. Here, out in the fields in the fresh air under the sun, he doesn’t have to think about anything.

Not to mention he has people to talk to while he works. In Erudite, they weren’t allowed to talk during their designated “study hours”, not even when they wanted to take a break. Here, though, he can talk to Niall, Jade, and Jade’s roommate Leigh-Anne about mindless things. He may not fit in Amity perfectly, but he gets along just fine.

The four of them, Liam, Niall, Jade, and Leigh-Anne, become fast friends during their first week of initiation. Like Liam, Leigh-Anne isn’t outwardly bubbly and friendly to everyone she meets, but when Liam starts to get to know her she starts to come out of her shell more.

Jade is so sweet and helpful whenever Liam pulls out a plant wrong, and she patiently teaches Liam how do to it properly. And she can always tell when Liam is feeling down or insecure and knows how to handle it every time. Knows when Liam needs cheering up or when he just needs someone to sit quietly with him and be of comfort.

Then there’s Niall who always knows how to fill an awkward silence. Who knows when everyone in the fields is getting tired so starts to sing a song to cheer them all up. Who is Amity in every way possible that makes Liam feel inadequate. But Niall never makes Liam feel bad about not being Amity enough. He always tells Liam that he is doing his best and belongs there just as much as Jade and Leigh-Anne.

The only problem Liam has with Amity is the peace circle they have after dinner every night. It’s meant only to help him get to know everyone better and feel comfortable and safe with Amity’s community. But every time Caroline asks him to share something all he can think is, _Divergent, you’re divergent, it’s dangerous_. And he can’t very well tell a group of strangers that he’s Divergent if he can’t even tell his own parents or Zayn that.

Of course Caroline notices how quiet Liam is during their peace circles. Everyone else has shared at least once, but Liam has remained silent the entire initiation week.

One night after they’ve finished with the peace circle Caroline asks that Liam follow her to the sun room. Liam isn’t worried, not like he was whenever one of his Erudite tutors pulled him aside and yelled at him for being so stupid. He knows that Caroline won’t yell at him.

For some reason that doesn’t make him feel any better though.

It’s strange being in the sun room at night. There’s windows covering all sides of the room and the ceiling, so when he’s there during the day it almost feels like he really is laying out in the sun, he just doesn’t have to deal with the intense heat of the rays.

Tonight, though, the room is encompassed in darkness, the only light coming from the moon and stars. It’s peaceful, really, and Liam can imagine sneaking out here with Zayn to sleep—

But Zayn isn’t here, and Liam needs to stop imagining impossible scenarios with him. He doesn’t even know if he’ll see him again.

Caroline sits cross-legged on the ground and motions for Liam to do the same. As soon as Liam is seated Caroline says, “You’re a very quiet person, Liam.”

Liam shrugs because it’s true, but it’s not exactly a compliment. “I guess I just don’t have a lot to say.”

“Everyone has something to say,” Caroline argues. “But in Erudite they teach you that if you don’t have something of importance to say then you shouldn’t say anything, isn’t that right?”

Liam blinks at her, surprised. “How—how do you know what they teach us in Erudite?”

Caroline’s lips quirk up slightly. “Because I transferred here from Erudite.”

Liam gapes at her. Caroline is so calm and peaceful that he would have thought that she had only lived in Amity her entire life. “Really? I didn’t know that faction leaders could be transfers.”

“First, I am not Amity’s leader, just their representative,” she says. “Secondly, here in Amity we do not care where someone comes from, just so long as they are kind to others. Which brings me to my next point: why don’t you talk during peace circles? Are you afraid of our judgment?”

Liam hesitates. He can’t tell her that he’s Divergent, and he can’t just say that he doesn’t have anything to say since she already stated that that is untrue. “I just…I guess I am afraid of what people will think of me.”

Caroline frowns, her forehead creasing. “I thought I made it clear that we won’t judge you, Liam. We’re not Erudite.”

“I know,” Liam says. “But it’s just going to take some getting used to. Being able to say whatever you want without judgment. I’m sure you had to adjust to it as well when you first transferred here.”

“I understand where you’re coming from, Liam,” she says. “But will you at least say _something_ during our circles? It doesn’t have to be anything huge or important. You can say whatever you like, it’s a safe space.”

Liam wonders if she would be saying the same thing if she knew what Liam was. If she would continue telling him that Amity is a safe place for him or if she’d turn him in to the leader of Erudite.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Liam admits. “I’m—well, it’s like you said. I’m a very quiet person. I don’t know how to talk to people I don’t know very well.”

He avoids her gaze after his admission. He knows what she’s thinking, that he can’t be very Amity if he doesn’t know how to reach out to strangers and make friends easily.

Instead her gaze softens and she gives him a gentle smile. “What about me?” she asks.

Liam raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Do you feel like you know me well enough to share something with me?” Caroline asks. “Will that help to make you feel more comfortable here?”

“I—” Liam doesn’t know what to say. It would be a lot better to talk to just Caroline rather than all the other initiates, but she’s also the leader— _representative_ of Amity. It’s a little more difficult to talk to her than Niall.

“If you’re worried about me repeating anything you say to me,” Caroline says when Liam hesitates, “you don’t need to. I will keep everything between us, I won’t even respond if you don’t want me to.”

Liam chews on his lip. “You promise you won’t reveal anything I say? No matter what it is?”

Caroline puts a hand on her heart and inclines her head in a sign of mutual respect. “I promise. Do we have a deal?”

Liam nods. He doesn’t have to tell her _everything_ about himself. Besides, she reminds him a little bit of Zayn. Always making sure that Liam is comfortable, always being so relaxed and calm.

She lets him go then, telling him that she won’t force him to tell her anything until he’s completely ready. Liam heads back to his room feeling in a much lighter mood than he had been earlier.

When he gets back to his room he finds Niall zipping up a sweatshirt. He gives Liam a wide grin when he notices him enter. “Liam!” he yells. “You should come out with us!”

He doesn’t even need to ask who “us” is. He knows that Niall’s referring to himself, Jade, and Leigh-Anne. “Out? Where are you going?”

He holds up a bottle of liquor. “We’re going to go get drunk in the field.”

***

Jade and Leigh-Anne are both giggling as if they’re already drunk as they sneak out into the field behind the compound. Actually, Liam thinks, that they may very well be already drunk. It wouldn’t surprise him at all if they had something to drink before leaving.

“I’m pretty sure this is against the rules,” Liam mutters as Niall, Jade, and Leigh-Anne all fall down onto the soft soil. They stay relatively close to the fence which provides at least some comfort to Liam.

“Even if we get caught,” Niall says after swallowing down a gulp of liquor, “no one will care. Caroline might tell us not to do it again, but as long as we’re careful we won’t get punished.”

Liam’s reminded of when he and Zayn snuck out the night before the aptitude test and how worried he had been about getting caught outside after curfew. The strict rules and regulations he and Zayn had to follow in Erudite is so different from the carefree nature of Amity. He wonders if the people here would have cared at all about their relationship.

Looking at the way Jade and Leigh-Anne interact with each other in public, he guesses they wouldn’t have.

“C’mon Liam,” Jade giggles, tugging at his pants. “Sit down, have a drink, _relax_.”

Liam falls to the ground, knocking into Jade. Jade laughs as she’s shoved into Leigh-Anne. Leigh-Anne wraps a hand around Jade’s waist, pulling her in closer.

Liam watches with his heart feeling heavy in his chest as Jade buries her face into Leigh-Anne’s neck and Leigh-Anne kisses the top of her head. He misses those moments with Zayn, when it just felt like the two of them in this fucked up world.

He grabs the bottle of liquor from Niall and takes a drink.

Niall cheers. “Now we’re getting in the spirit!”

The alcohol burns as it slides down his throat and it tastes strange in his mouth. He’s never had alcohol before but he sees how much people love it and he’s always wanted to try it. Now that he has, he’s not sure he understands the hype.

But he keeps drinking because he sees how loose it makes Jade and Leigh-Anne, and he wants to feel that. About half an hour later, his brain feels like mush and he’s feeling free and relaxed.

“I think Jade and Leigh are down for the count,” Niall laughs, nodding at the two girls. Liam is pretty sure that he’s had just as much to drink as Liam, but he sounds just as sober as he did when they first snuck out here.

“Your eyes are like stars,” Leigh-Anne murmurs as she drags her thumb over Jade’s eyes.

“What does that even mean?” Niall says, looking at Liam.

Liam can’t do much more than shrug. “Don’t ass—don’t—” he breaks off into giggles at his inability to form words.

“I guess that means you’re down for the count as well,” Niall says, reaching to take the bottle away from Liam.

Liam pulls it into his chest. There can’t be more than a sip left, but Liam wants it all. He hasn’t felt so good in— _years_. Probably since he first learned how to read.

Niall holds his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t think you’d drink so much,” Niall admits. “I’m pretty sure you drank half the bottle.”

Liam tips his head back as he finishes off the bottle. “It feels so nice,” he slurs. “I like not thinking. Everything is so terrible. But this,” he holds up the empty bottle, “this is wonderful.”

Niall raises an eyebrow and extracts the bottle from Liam’s hands. Liam lets him, only because there’s nothing left. “Is everything okay?”

Liam doesn’t know where to start. At first the alcohol made him forget, he wasn’t thinking about anything. But now he’s thinking about _everything_. “I miss him,” is all he says. He stares down at the ground, digging his hands into the warm soil.

“Miss who?” Niall asks.

Liam stares longingly at Jade and Leigh-Anne lying on top of each other, sharing lazy, drunk kisses. “I wish we could be like that.”

“We who?” Niall demands, grabbing Liam’s arm and squeezing gently. “Liam, talk to me. I want to help you, but I can’t if I don’t know anything.”

Liam laughs bitterly, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “No one can help me,” he mutters. “I’m beyond help. I’m Divergent.”

Niall’s mouth falls open and he slowly brings his hand back to his own lap. “You’re what?” he whispers.

“Divergent,” Liam spits the word. “And in love with my best friend. But he’s the son of Erudite council members so we can’t tell anyone about us. Basically, I’m fucked.” He adds in a softer voice, “Why am I even here?”

Niall reaches forward and grabs both of his arms roughly. “Hey,” he says seriously. “Don’t think like that, okay? You’re important.”

Liam frowns, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Then why is everything so awful?”

Niall pulls Liam into a hug then, cradling his head against his chest. Liam lets the tears go as Niall cards his fingers through Liam’s hair. Liam pretends that it’s Zayn’s arms holding him as he sobs into Niall’s shirt.

“You’re Divergent,” Niall says. “And I know that everyone thinks that means there’s something wrong about you, fucked up about you. But I don’t. You’re different, special. And I don’t think that’s something that people should fear. I’m going to help you, Liam. I’m going to make sure that you’re safe and no one ever finds out about you.”

Liam lifts his head. “Are you sure?” he asks. “If someone finds out that you knew and didn’t tell anyone—”

Niall shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re my friend and I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to you.”

Liam tucks his head into Niall’s shoulder as he hugs him tightly. “Thank you,” Liam gasps. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Niall rubs Liam’s back. “Who else knows about you?” he asks after a moment of hesitation.

“The woman who gave me my test, Gemma,” Liam says, sitting up. He wipes at his eyes, slightly embarrassed at crying so hard in front of his friend. He’s never cried in front of anyone before save Zayn, so even though he knows Niall would never judge him he feels like he’s given up part of himself. “And her brother, Harry, and his boyfriend, Louis. They’re the ones who warned me about how dangerous being Divergent is.”

“And your boyfriend?” Niall says. “Does he know?”

“No,” Liam says. “It’s not that I don’t trust him, but Louis warned me that I shouldn’t tell _anyone_ , not even my parents, because you never know if they might tell.”

Niall takes Liam’s hand and squeezes it. “Well, your secret’s safe with me.” He glances at Jade and Leigh-Anne, who appear to be sleeping. “And I don’t think they heard any of that. If they did, I doubt they comprehended anything.”

Liam laughs, feeling good for the first time since he got here.

***

At this point Liam is used to getting up early and doesn’t struggle like he did when he first got to Amity. That being said, Liam desperately wants to stay in bed this morning. He doesn’t even remember anything from last night except having drink after drink after drink. But for some reason he thinks he said something important last night.

He tries to remember it, but then he gets a headache.

“I didn’t force you to drink that much,” Niall says when Liam complains.

Liam glares at him from where’s he’s curled up in his blankets. “Are you absolutely sure about that?”

Niall grins, lacing up his shoes. “I heavily encouraged you to drink, but I didn’t _force_ you to drink. There’s a difference.”

“Is there?” Liam says.

“Calm down, Erudite,” Niall teases. “Speaking of Erudite, you know what today is?”

Liam frowns. He’s pretty sure that today is supposed to be just like any other day if his memory serves him correctly. “What’s today?” he asks.

“It’s Visiting Day,” Niall says. “Not that it matters much for me, but I thought you would be excited.”

Liam sits up in bed. He must have been so distracted with getting used to Amity’s schedule and worrying about someone finding out what he is that he forgot about Visiting Day. Don’t get him wrong, he definitely appreciates Niall and the support he gave Liam last night, but there’s nothing like the comfort his parents bring him.

“Do you know when they’re coming?” Liam asks as he jumps out of bed and starts getting dressed, hangover completely forgotten.

“How did I know that would get you up?” Niall laughs. “I don’t think they’re coming until after lunch.”

Liam nods and finishes getting ready quickly. He knows that the harder he works the more distracted he’ll be and time will move faster. Just as he’d predicted, lunch comes soon, but he’s so excited to see his family that he can barely eat anything (he does anyway to make his hangover feel better).

As the families filter in through the front door of the community hut Liam stands on his tiptoes, searching for his own family. Niall already left to spend some time with his family, and Liam feels lonely as he watches Leigh-Anne hug her parents and laughs with her sisters.

Just as Liam is starting to think that his family has abandoned him for not choosing Erudite he spots a familiar blonde head in the crowd.

“Ruth!” he shouts, waving her over with a wide grin.

Ruth smiles and runs over to Liam, enveloping him in a huge hug when she reaches him. “I’ve missed you so much, baby brother,” Ruth says as she pulls away.

“I’ve missed you, too,” Liam says. “Where is everyone else?”

Ruth gives him a sympathetic look. “They wanted to come, they really did, Li,” she says. “But Mom and Dad got scheduled to work at the last minute and Nicola has to finish a project today. I’m so sorry, Liam.”

“It’s okay,” Liam says, giving Ruth a smile so he knows that there aren’t any hard feelings. And there aren’t. But Liam can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Who knows when the next time he’ll see his parents will be. “I thought for a second you guys hated me for not choosing Erudite.”

Ruth shakes her head, looking appalled. “Of course not, Li. You know we love you and support you, no matter what. And we kind of suspected you wouldn’t choose Erudite.”

Liam’s heart starts to pound harder. Does she know? How could she possibly know? If she knows then does the rest of his family know? Nicola works for Lou Teasdale, what if she reports Liam? “What do you mean?” Liam asks, his voice a little high.

“You’ve just never really fit into Erudite,” Ruth says, her forehead creasing in confusion. “Is something wrong?”

Liam shakes his head. “No, nothing’s wrong. I’m just—a little out of sorts, I guess.”

He wonders if maybe he should tell Ruth. He knows he can trust her not to tell anyone, not even his parents if he asked her. And maybe he will…just not here. There’s too many people and that’s not really what he wants to spend the limited time he has with her talking about.

“I’m sure transferring to another faction can do that to you,” Ruth chuckles. “What’s the schedule like here? I heard you have to get up at an ungodly hour of the morning.”

Liam laughs. “Yeah, we do,” he says, and Ruth makes a disgusted face. “But you get used to it. And we go to bed early enough that it doesn’t feel like we’re getting up _that_ early.”

“ _You_? Going to bed _early_?” Ruth says. “I never thought I’d see the day. I guess you don’t have Zayn to sneak out with anymore.”

The mention of Zayn has Liam’s breath getting caught in his throat. “Zayn?” Liam says, trying not to sound desperate even though he misses him more than anything in the world. “How is he?”

Ruth gives him a sad smile. “He seems okay,” she says slowly. “But he’s throwing himself into his work and we barely see him anymore. I think he’s trying to distract himself from missing you.” She sounds like she’s about to say something else, but then she abruptly shuts her mouth.

“What?” Liam prods. “There’s something else going on, isn’t there?”

Ruth scratches at her arm, looking everywhere but in Liam’s eyes. “I’m not really sure but he just seems like he’s up to something. Every time I run into him he barely says a word to me. And he spends all day in labs. And I don’t think it’s just because he misses you.”

Liam chews on his lip. Zayn hates labs, thinks they’re too clean and shiny. If Ruth had said that Zayn was spending all of his time in a library then that would make sense. But a lab? That’s just not Zayn.

“Of course he’s up to something,” someone says from behind Liam. “All those damn Maliks are up to something.”

Liam whirls around and spots a boy who looks slightly older than him glaring at Liam. His shirt and pants are pure black and Liam can spot a couple of tattoos poking out from underneath his clothes. _Dauntless_.

“ _Excuse me_?” Ruth demands, putting her hands on her hips for emphasis. “Who do you think you _are_?”

Liam stares at the girl in a bright yellow sundress standing next to the Dauntless boy. She shakes her head, mouthing, “Sorry.” Liam guesses she’s the boy’s sister.

Liam puts a hand on Ruth’s arm. “Let’s go somewhere else, Ruth,” he says. “Let him think what he wants.”

“You’re just going to stand there and let him insult your b—friend?” Ruth says incredulously. She shakes her head. “You’ve been eating too much of the bread here.”

“The bread?” Liam asks. “What’s wrong with the bread here?”

But his question falls to the wayside as the Dauntless boy starts speaking again. “Go ahead and try to defend them,” he says. “But there’s nothing there to defend.”

“You mean besides the fact that they’re the ones keeping Erudite afloat?” Ruth says. “You’re right, they’re not that great.”

“ _Ruth_ ,” Liam says.

Erudite and Dauntless may be allies, but put an Erudite and a Dauntless alone in a room together and there will be an explosion. The Dauntless are stubborn and rash, and they will say whatever is on their mind and stick to it. But the Erudite are just as stubborn, but they take time to think through their responses so they know when they’re right and they’ll stick to that.

“The only one keeping Erudite afloat is Lou Teasdale,” the Dauntless boy says. “All the Maliks do is complain to her and then she fixes everything. The Maliks are useless. Lou should just do us all a favor and make them factionless.”

“Maybe _you_ should do us all a favor and shut the hell up before you say something you regret,” Ruth says.

“Seriously,” the Amity girl says, tugging at the Dauntless boy’s shirt. “Just let it go.”

The Dauntless boy pushes his sister away from him, and Liam idly wonders if she decided to transfer to Amity to get away from him. “I’ll let it go when this bitch admits that the Maliks are going to end up killing us all with their idiocy.”

Liam’s almost surprised that it’s him that throws the punch and not Ruth. And yet, here he is, standing over the Dauntless boy, his knuckles throbbing from the force of the punch.

All the careful control and calm that he’s learned to acquire through his time in Amity disappears with that punch. And now, as he thinks back through the entire conversation with the Dauntless boy Liam wonders how the hell he didn’t do this earlier.

“Liam,” a soft voice says, and Liam thinks that it’s his sister. But then he notices Ruth watching him with an impressed look on her face, and the voice sounded too disappointed in him for a look like that.

Liam turns and finds Caroline standing next to the Dauntless boy’s sister, her arms crossed. She’s not angry though, just concerned for Liam’s well-being.

Then he notices the two women standing on either side of Caroline, and the syringes filled with green liquid in their hands. _Peace Serum_.

“We’re going to have to ask you to come with us,” Caroline says to Liam. Turning to Ruth she adds, “I’m very sorry to have to disrupt your reunion like this.”

Liam knows that Caroline and these women mean him no harm, in fact they want just the opposite. They want to keep the peace and make sure everyone remains happy. But Liam can’t help but think back to the last time he was given Peace Serum, the lack of control he felt and how… _artificial_ the happiness pulsing through him felt. It’s not an experience he wants to relive.

“I’m not going with you,” Liam says.

“You need Peace Serum,” Caroline insists in the kindest way possible. Liam almost feels a little bad for defying her. Almost. “We can’t let something like this happen again.”

“Peace Serum isn’t a cure for violence and anger,” Ruth says. “It’s a vacation from it. As soon as it wears off Liam’s just going to go back to feeling angry.”

“We wouldn’t expect you to understand,” says the woman standing to the right of Caroline. “You’re not from here.”

“What I _understand_ ,” Ruth spits, “is that anger is a perfectly human response. And he was just standing up for me. You shouldn’t punish him for standing up for something he believes in. Isn’t that what peace is all about?”

“He physically hurt someone,” Caroline says calmly. “ _That_ is not something I can let happen.” She directs her attention back to Liam. “Liam, please.”

Liam glances between his sister and his leader. This is his faction, he can’t go against the rules. And he knows that fighting verbally is not as bad as punching someone. He deserves the punishment.

But Ruth is right. Even when the Peace Serum wears off he won’t feel guilty for what he did. He’s glad that he stood up for his boyfriend’s family. And he would do it again in a heartbeat.

“No,” Liam says softly, avoiding Caroline’s eyes. He doesn’t want to see that look of disappointment.

“Liam,” Caroline says, sounding sterner now.

“I’m not going to take the Peace Serum,” Liam says defiantly. He lifts his eyes and looks at Caroline with a steely gaze. She looks back not with disappointment, but with surprise.

“As a citizen of Amity you must take the Peace Serum,” Caroline insists.

“You can’t quell my rage,” Liam says, setting his jaw. “No matter how many times you give me Peace Serum I won’t stop being angry with him for insulting my best friend’s family.”

“Faction before—”

“Blood,” Liam finishes for her. “I’m well aware of the phrase. But the Maliks aren’t blood. They’re not even part of my faction. Doesn’t that make my defense for them even more important?”

“I’m not going to use force,” Caroline tells him in a low voice. “But I will take away some of your privileges until you learn your lesson.”

“Go ahead,” Liam challenges. “See if I care.”

And then he turns around and runs out of the hut, leaving Caroline, Ruth, and the Dauntless boy to stare after him in disbelief.

***

He doesn’t even realize he’s heading towards Erudite until he spots the bean sculture from about a mile away. All that’s been running through his mind is _Zayn_ and _Peace Serum_ and _seriously, fuck Dauntless_.

He just wants to see Zayn more than anything. He wants to tell him everything that’s happened and be held while Zayn brushes his fingers through Liam’s hair. It’s not the same telling all of his problems to Niall because Niall can’t tell Liam he loves him no matter what, Niall can’t kiss him.

He turns down an alley to take a shortcut to the bean. He doubts Zayn will be there, but just the memories of the night they spent together on Liam’s birthday will bring him comfort. He wishes he could visit Zayn, but Erudite initiates move out of their parents’ homes a week after the Choosing Ceremony, and he has no idea where Zayn lives now.

He’s running so fast now and so distracted with thoughts of Zayn that he slams straight into a solid body, knocking both of them onto the ground. Liam’s back hits the ground so hard that it he loses his breath, and he can hear the other person groaning in pain.

“I’m so sorry—” Liam starts to say just as the other person says, “Oh god, are you alright?”

Then Liam sits straight up, so fast that his head starts to spin because he still doesn’t have all of his breath back. “Zayn?”

Zayn stares back at him, his beautiful brown eyes wide with shock. He rushes to stand up. “Liam? Wh—what are you doing here?”

Liam takes the hand that Zayn offers him and hoists himself off the ground. “I—I just—” He’s not sure what to say. _I punched someone in your honor and then disobeyed the rules before running here?_ That’s not exactly what he wants to start out with after going so long without seeing Zayn.

But Zayn saves him from having to say anything because before Liam can get anymore words out Zayn’s saying, “God, I missed you so much.” And then he takes Liam’s face into his hands and kisses him fiercely.

Liam knew he missed Zayn, but he didn’t realize how much he missed Zayn’s kisses until now. The way Zayn kisses him so passionately that he steals all of Liam’s breath, but cups his cheeks so gently like Liam is something breakable. Liam grabs the hem of Zayn’s shirt, twisting his fingers into the material as he parts his lips and lets Zayn’s tongue explore his mouth desperately.

Zayn pushes Liam up against one of the brick walls and Liam gasps into Zayn’s mouth with surprise. His back is still sore from where it hit the ground, but he’s too distracted by Zayn dipping his head and planting kisses down his jaw to notice the pain. Liam cards his hands through Zayn’s hair, which had been gelled up and styled perfectly, gripping it roughly when Zayn bites down onto Liam’s neck, right next to his birthmark.

“ _Zayn_ ,” Liam groans as Zayn licks over the mark, kissing it softly. “Please—just—” He’s not exactly sure what he wants to say, just knows that this needs to slow down, but he can’t get the words out when Zayn’s mouth feels so good against his skin.

But Zayn gets the hint and lifts his head back up. He gives Liam one more chaste kiss on the moth before leaning his forehead against Liam’s. He laughs a little, his breath warm on Liam’s cheeks.

“Sorry,” Zayn mutters, his eyes still on Liam’s lips.

“Don’t be,” Liam says. “I love kissing you.” He darts forward to plant a quick kiss on the corner of Zayn’s mouth to prove his point. “There’s just some things we need to talk about.”

“Like what the hell you’re doing here?” Zayn says, running his hands over Liam’s chest like he can’t get enough of him.

Liam nods, placing his hands on the back of Zayn’s neck. “Yeah. It’s just—it was really easy to adjust there. Everyone is so nice and easy-going and it’s hard not to make friends.”

“I don’t understand,” Zayn says. “If you were so happy there why come here?”

Liam takes a deep breath. “You know how today’s Visiting Day?” Zayn nods. “Well, Ruth came to Amity and it was really nice to talk to her and see her again. But then someone’s brother from Dauntless starting saying some really nasty things about your family, and I… Well, I punched him.”

Liam expects Zayn to gasp, tell him that he can’t believe he would do something like that, but instead Zayn smiles shyly and says, “You punched someone…for me?”

“It’s not that romantic,” Liam mutters, but his heart leaps anyway. “The leader—well, _representative_ —of Amity told me that I had to receive Peace Serum as punishment, but I refused. Because I knew that I was going to be just as angry after the Peace Serum wore off as I was then.”

Now Zayn frowns, pulling away from Liam so that their foreheads are no longer pressed together. “You disobeyed direct orders from your faction’s leader?”

“Representative,” Liam corrects. “We don’t have a leader in Amity. And yes. Because that asshole deserved to get punched. He was being rude and I was just standing up for what I believe—”

Liam gets cut off by Zayn’s lips pressing hard against his own. Zayn peppers fierce kisses on Liam’s lips, along his cheek and jaw, murmuring between kisses, “God, I love you so fucking much.”

“That wasn’t really the response I was expecting,” Liam says, laughing as Zayn’s nose brushes against his cheek. “But I can’t say I’m complaining.”

“No, Liam, I—” Zayn cuts off suddenly, shaking his head. He cups Liam’s cheeks and says instead, “I understand.”

Liam has a million questions running through his mind, the loudest of all being, _What aren’t you telling me, Zayn?_ But Liam isn’t going to force Zayn to tell him. Especially not when he has a secret of his own.

“You have to do what you feel is right, you know?” Zayn continues, stroking Liam’s cheek with his thumb. “And I appreciate you doing that for me.”

“I miss you,” Liam says. He winds his arms around Zayn’s waist and pulls him close against him. “I wish I could see you all the time. I wish I could just _talk_ to you all the time.”

“How about this,” Zayn says as his lips slide against Liam’s jaw, “we meet here every week. And we just talk and be—us. We don’t worry or think about anybody else. Just for an hour each week. Can you do that?”

Liam nods. He has no idea how he’s going to get away with sneaking out that often, but he doesn’t care. He’ll do anything to spend time with Zayn. “I’d really like that,” he says.

Zayn grins, giving Liam one last kiss. “Good. I should probably go now, though.”

As Zayn starts to leave, untangling himself from Liam’s arms, a thought runs through Liam’s mind. “Hey Z?”

Zayn turns back around. “Yeah?”

“Just out of curiosity,” Liam says, “what were _you_ doing here?”

Zayn hesitates, glancing down at the ground. “This is my faction.”

Liam bristles at the statement, the way Zayn emphasizes the word “my”. But he doesn’t back down. “I know. But this isn’t exactly on the way anywhere except out of Erudite. So what were you doing here?”

Zayn bites his lip and seems to be struggling with himself. For the first time Liam wishes they were from Candor, because then at least Zayn would be honest with him.

Finally, Zayn shakes his head, saying, “I’ll see you soon, Liam. Same time next week, yeah?”

Zayn runs off, not giving Liam another chance to question him.

Liam wonders what Zayn could possibly have to hide from Liam. Unless….

Unless Zayn is Divergent too.

***

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Liam sighs as he falls onto the bed, covering his eyes with an arm. Not even five seconds after he gets back to Amity and Niall is yelling at him. That’s always a good start.

“You can’t just punch someone, refuse Peace Serum, run away, and then come back like nothing even happened,” Niall continues. “Maybe that’s how things work at Erudite, though I seriously doubt it, but that’s not how things work here. We respect one another.”

Liam lifts his arm and tips his head up to look at Niall with his crossed arms and narrowed eyes. Liam’s never seen Niall look angry, but he still doesn’t look as mad as his parents or Zayn can be. “If you really respect me then you should respect my decision to refuse Peace Serum.”

Niall sighs and sits on the edge of Liam’s bed. He doesn’t look at Liam as he says, “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. You take Peace Serum every day at meals.”

Liam doesn’t understand what Niall is talking about until he remembers what Ruth said earlier that day. _You’ve been eating too much of the bread here_. “So there’s Peace Serum in the bread,” he says. “That’s not just a rumor?”

Liam sits up and watches as Niall bites his lip. “Well, you have to understand that not everyone gets along naturally—”

“Then shouldn’t that be our goal?” Liam says, his body shaking with frustration. He can’t believe he actually thought that everyone in Amity got along so well, that they were all so nice, when really, they’re just as corrupt as all the other factions. “Shouldn’t we try to work towards peace and get along despite our differences instead of forcing people to get along because of a fucking serum?”

“I see where you’re coming from,” Niall says slowly, trying not to upset Liam any further, “but you have to see where we’re coming from as well. Everyone is so angry and hates each other all the time, and who knows? We could be well on our way to another war, and Amity doesn’t want that to happen. So we force people to get along through artificial peace. It’s not the best option, but it’s the first step.”

Liam stays quiet. He knows there’s no use arguing with Niall, because, one, he brings up a good point, and two, Niall’s his friend. The only reason he’s even really arguing with Niall is because he needs to let off a little steam from the incident today.

“I won’t be mad with you,” Liam says, “but only if you’re not mad with me.”

“I’m not _mad_ at you,” Niall says, slinging an arm around Liam’s shoulders and pulling him against his side. “I just can’t believe what you did. Unless there’s something else that happened that you’re not telling me….” He raises an eyebrow and looks at Liam expectantly.

“Maybe you should’ve gone to Candor,” Liam says, trying to avoid Niall’s penetrative gaze. But it’s kind of hard to when their faces are so close. “You can always see through people.”

“So what you’re saying is that there is something else,” Niall says.

Liam sighs, ducking away from Niall. “I may have tried to run back to Erudite,” he mumbles.

Niall’s mouth opens in shock, and Liam’s sure that he’s going to start yelling at him again. Only nothing comes out. Maybe Niall is so surprised that Liam would do something like that that he doesn’t even know what to say.

The thing about what Liam running back to his home faction is that he’s not just disobeying Amity’s rules, but the rules of the collective of factions: _faction before blood._ If anyone finds out about this they’ll assume that he wants to leave Amity and go back to his family and he’ll become factionless. A fate that’s worse than death in their society.

Only, that’s not why he ran away.

“I didn’t run away for my family,” Liam elaborates. “I just needed to see my…friend. Zayn. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him and I felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to—” Liam stops abruptly when he notices Niall’s face fall.

“No wonder you’re so unhappy here,” Niall mutters in a despondent voice, and Liam almost wishes Niall was angry and yelling at him again. “Apparently you have absolutely no friends to talk to.”

“That’s not what I meant, Niall,” Liam says.

“Then what did you mean?” Niall says sharply.

Liam doesn’t respond. He’s not sure how Niall will react to him revealing that he’s gay. He got lucky with Gemma, but not everyone approves of that lifestyle.

“Great,” Niall says, his voice cracking, and Liam’s heart breaks. “You went on and on about how people need to learn how to make peace themselves and not with Peace Serum, and you know what the first step to peace is, Liam? It’s _communication_. But I don’t know even know how you expect us to achieve peace when you can’t even fucking talk—”

“Zayn’s my boyfriend,” Liam blurts out. Niall’s right, he can’t keep hiding things from him and he needs to trust that if Niall really cares about him, then he’ll be his friend no matter what. “And I had to see him because talking to him is different than talking to you. I’m sorry, Niall. I do care about you, but…it’s different.”

Niall stays silent for so long that Liam is afraid that he hates him, but is too nice to tell him. Liam’s not sure what he would do if Niall hated him.

Finally, Niall responds. But not in the way Liam was expecting.

He starts laughing.

Liam frowns at him, not quite sure what the hell is so funny. He just admitted something very personal and very serious, and Niall is laughing. Liam gets that he’s a happy-go-lucky type of guy, but this just doesn’t make any sense.

Niall finally notices Liam’s confused face, and calms down a bit. “Wait,” he says as he clears his throat, “do you seriously not remember anything that happened last night?”

Liam had completely forgotten about drinking with Niall, Jade, and Leigh-Anne last night. He’d also forgotten not being able to remember a thing this morning.

Niall takes Liam’s silence as confirmation. “Well, you may have already told me that you have a boyfriend. And that he’s the son of two Erudite council members. And seriously, Liam, I don’t mind if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Liam huffs out a small chuckle that’s more relief than anything else. “Thank god,” he says. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind, but you never know.” He notices Niall’s face then, how he’s stopped laughing completely and looks like he wants to say something more. “Just out of curiosity, did I say anything else last night, or was that it?”

“You might’ve mentioned something about being Divergent,” Niall says quietly.

Liam hesitates. “And what did you say?” he asks, his heart in his throat.

“It’s not like I’m going to turn you in or anything,” Niall assures him. “And you were quite upset at the time, but now I should probably let you know that you shouldn’t go around telling people this willy-nilly.”

“I don’t,” Liam says immediately. “You’re the only one that knows. Well, you and my test administrator, Gemma.” Liam pauses. “And her brother. And her brother’s boyfriend.”

“I know, you told me all that,” Niall points out. “Still, that’s a lot of people.”

Liam sighs. “Gemma was the first to discover it. And she told her brother and his boyfriend because she thinks that they can help me.”

“And have they?” Niall asks.

“They’re both from Erudite so I’ve only ever talked to them once since finding out,” Liam says. “All they did was warn me away from Erudite, Dauntless, and Abnegation.”

Niall furrows his brow. “Abnegation? Erudite and Dauntless I get. Erudite has printed in the newspapers that Divergents are becoming and increasing problem, and Dauntless is very close to Erudite. But what’s wrong with Abnegation?”

Liam shrugs. “I just know that Erudite isn’t very fond of them. And that someone said that they ‘can’t wait until they get what’s coming for them.’ I don’t know anything else about it though.”

Niall bites his lip. “Do you think Caroline knows anything about it?”

“I doubt it,” Liam says. “She seems like she stays out of the other factions’ business. You know, keeping the peace and all that.”

“I just wish there was someone we could talk to about all this,” Niall sighs.

Liam looks up at the ceiling. “You and me both.”

***

There's something bothering Zayn. Liam can tell in the way that he hesitates whenever he kisses Liam, not giving him his full attention. He can tell in the way that every time Liam tries to talk to him about what's happening in his life, he just shrugs and changes the topic, or starts attacking Liam with his lips.

About three weeks into their secret meetings, Liam caves and asks Zayn what's going on with him. And he refuses to let Zayn back away from the question.

"Everything's fine, I don't see why you're so annoyed about this," Zayn says, looking away from Liam. "Right now my life is just an endless cycle of sleep and study. I barely have time to eat."

That's not it, though, Liam knows it's not. He's known practically his entire life, and he knows that when Zayn is stressed about school he's so tired that he can barely respond to anything Liam says, or stay awake for that matter. But right now, he's annoyed and yelling at Liam. This is an entirely different kind of stressed.

"Zayn," Liam says in a low voice, not wanting to upset him any further, "yelling at me isn't going to solve your problem."

"I don't have a problem," Zayn grumbles. Liam just glares at him for that.

"I know you Zayn," Liam says. He takes Zayn's hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over the backs to calm him down. And Liam can see that it works when Zayn lowers his shoulders instinctually as he starts to relax. "See? I knew that would make you feel better."

Zayn lets out a breathy chuckle, looking up into Liam's eyes. He bites his lip, and Liam knows that he's struggling with himself to tell Liam his secret. Finally, he sighs and says, "If I told you I think you'd be scared. I don't want to scare you away."

Liam shakes his head, kissing him chastely on the mouth. "You couldn't scare me away even if you tried."

Zayn sighs again, and squeezes Liam's hands. "Just—just remember that I love you, okay?"

Liam nods, waiting for Zayn to tell him his secret.

"Do you know what Divergent is?" Zayn asks, and Liam freezes.

He knows what he must look like to Zayn with his wide eyes and tense body: guilty. He hasn't told Zayn about what he is, in fact Niall is still the only person who knows that he's Divergent. And if he can trust Niall, then he can trust Zayn, right?

So he's still not sure why he hasn't told Zayn yet.

"Liam?" Zayn asks. "What is it?"

And Liam hates that Zayn knows Liam just as well as Liam knows Zayn. It makes it so incredibly hard to keep secrets from him. "Nothing," Liam says quickly. "I, uh, I know about it."

Zayn narrows his eyes. "If I tell you my secret then you have to tell me yours. Trust is a two-way street, Li."

_Li._ The nickname brings Liam back to the days before the aptitude test, when everything was still so simple. When Liam and Zayn could trust each other, and didn't hide anything. Liam desperately wants to go back to that time, and he figures that the first step to keeping that closeness between him and Zayn is to tell him his secret.

"I'm Divergent," Liam says softly, and he realizes that he's never actually said it out loud before.

Liam's looking down at the ground, and he's not sure that Zayn actually heard him because he hasn't responded yet. But then when he looks up he sees that Zayn is gaping at him.

"You're— _what_?" Zayn gasps. He shakes his head. "That's impossible."

"Apparently not," Liam says weakly. He's a little scared now after Zayn's reaction. He seems so...afraid. What if Zayn turns him in? Liam hopes Zayn wouldn't do that, but what if he's changed? What if he cares more about the law than his own boyfriend? "After the aptitude test I was told I had an aptitude for both Amity and Abnegation." He shrugs and almost feels like crying when he repeats, "I'm Divergent."

Zayn wraps him up in a hug then, much to Liam's surprise. He holds him close, letting Liam bury his head in his neck. Liam doesn't cry, he just lets Zayn's warmth envelop him and make him feel safe and secure.

Zayn holds him for a while, and when he lets go, he keeps his grip tight on Liam's hands, making sure they stay close together. Liam smiles at him, leaning in to kiss him when he remembers something.

"Wait," Liam says, "what's your secret?"

Zayn's own smile falters, and he starts to let go of Liam's hands, but Liam holds on. "Well, um, Lou Teasdale actually, uh, hired me to do something for her," Zayn says vaguely.

Normally Liam would hug him and tell him that's amazing news and that he's so proud of him, but these aren't exactly normal circumstances. "What did she want you to do?"

"Hunt down Divergents," Zayn says brusquely.

Now Liam tries to take his hands away, but Zayn refuses to let go. But how can he expect Liam to keep standing there, trusting him when he's being paid to find people like Liam and turn them into Lou Teasdale?

"Liam," Zayn says quickly, "let me explain before you—"

" _Explain_?" Liam cries, still trying to tug his hands away but Zayn is too strong. "Explain that you're going to have to take me into your leader and have me killed? I knew this was happening, but—you? I thought you were too good to agree to something like this." He shakes his head, finally succeeding in ripping his hands out of Zayn's. He stumbles backwards from the force of it. "Apparently I don't know you as well as I thought."

"You don't understand, Li," Zayn starts to say, but then they're cut off by a noise.

Something that sounds a lot like the sound of a camera shutter.

Liam and Zayn turn at the same time to see a man with dark brown hair watching them from behind a camera. When he realizes he's been spotted, the man runs out of the alley before either Liam or Zayn can catch him.

"How long do you think he was there for?" Liam asks, his voice trembling. He continues staring at the spot the man just vacated, hoping that he's going to magically reappear there.

"I don't know," Zayn says, sounding just as nervous as Liam. He brings a hand up to Liam's cheek, gently turning his head to face him. "Hey," he says softly, "it's going to be okay. _We're_ going to be okay."

"Will we?" Liam asks, hoping that despite everything that just happened Zayn will still say yes.

Zayn says nothing.

***

Liam realizes that maybe he and Zayn should have tried harder to go after that guy with the camera when he wakes up the next morning with Niall shoving a newspaper into his face. He looks at it for a long time until the words start to blur together.

“So the secret’s out, huh?” Liam says quietly, running his fingers over the picture of him and Zayn holding each other in the alley. The headline above it reads, “Erudite Council Members’ Son Gay?”

“It could be worse,” Niall mutters, and although he doesn’t come right out and say it, Liam knows exactly what he means.

“Maybe for me, but what will happen to Zayn?” Liam says. Just because Zayn is going to turn him in, that doesn’t mean that Liam wants anything bad to happen to Zayn. Although, he’s not going to tell Niall this, because he knows that Niall will say Zayn deserves that.

“I don’t think it will be so bad,” Niall says slowly. “I mean, honestly, what is the worse that could happen? His family will be shunned? It’s not like he’s going to be killed.”

The “not like you’ll be” goes unsaid.

“But reputation is all his family has,” Liam objects. “You don’t know the Maliks like I do. They care more about how they’re seen and what people think of them than they do their own kids. If Zayn had chosen a different faction then they would have basically disowned him. They take ‘Faction before Blood’ very seriously.”

Niall mulls that over for a moment. “Do you think he’s going to stop seeing you then? To try and disprove the rumors?”

“I think so,” Liam says, but not because of the article.

Niall sits down beside Liam on his bed then, and puts an arm around him. “I’m sorry,” he says. “But—maybe this is for the best. You’re both in different factions now, it’s not like this could have lasted very long. No matter how much you want it to.”

Liam stares at him in disbelief. Of all the people that he thought would’ve been supportive of his relationship with Zayn, he thought it would be Niall. At least, Niall had _seemed_ supportive of it at first. But maybe Niall has been thinking about this all along.

He doesn’t want to be angry with Niall. Not right now when he’s angry about so many other things in his life. So he just sighs and says, “Let’s get ready for work.”

Niall doesn’t protest, and starts getting ready along with him. They both work in silence, even when other people try to come up and talk to them. They must find it strange, considering talking is how the Amity tend to pass their time, but no one comments on it. At least, not until lunch time.

A boy that Liam vaguely recognizes as being a transfer from Erudite sits down next to Liam at the lunch table and not-so-subtly slides the newspaper in front of Liam. Liam glares at him as he pretends to play innocent and continue eating his food.

“Would you please just go away?” Liam says. He knows it’s not very Amity of him, but he’s been through too much in the past couple of days and he’d rather not deal with this asshole right now.

“That wasn’t very nice,” the boy pouts, but grins a second later. Honestly, how did this guy even get an aptitude for Amity? “I was just wondering if you would sign this newspaper for me. You’re quite famous now.”

“Seriously,” Niall says, “you’re not funny.”

Now all four of them, Liam, Niall, Jade, and Leigh-Anne, are glaring at the boy. He just shrugs and says, “The Maliks have really fucked up over the past couple of weeks. They’re running Erudite into the ground and now they’ve got a messed up son. I’m surprised Lou Teasdale hasn’t removed them from the council and made them factionless.”

Liam clenches his fists underneath the table. He can’t get into another fight like the one on Visiting Day. Caroline might like him, but she can’t keep letting him go. So he just remains silent. That apparently doesn’t sit well with Leigh-Anne though.

“Hey, fuck you!” Leigh-Anne shouts at him, standing up. Now they’ve gotten the attention of all the tables surrounding them. Even the boy looks stunned by this reaction. “Being gay or bisexual or pansexual or _whatever_ doesn’t mean you’re messed up. It’d be like saying you’re messed up for choosing Amity over a different faction.”

“He’s not _normal_ , though,” the boy tries to argue, but he’s clearly very intimidated by Leigh-Anne.

“Not ‘normal’?” Leigh-Anne says, laughing as if it’s the funniest joke she’s ever heard. “I’ll show you what’s normal, asshole.” Then she pulls Jade up and starts kissing her. Right in front of everybody.

The boy is blushing a deep red, and he quickly escapes from their table before Leigh-Anne is done kissing Jade. There’s an eruption of cheers and whistles from the other tables, and Liam smiles, glad for his friend that stood up for him, and this accepting and supporting community.

“Leigh-Anne?”

Leigh-Anne pulls herself away from Jade to find Caroline standing next to the table. She doesn’t even look embarrassed as she asks, “How can I help you?”

“You just insulted another member of our community,” Caroline says. “Now, what you did was very brave, but we are not Dauntless and I cannot approve of this behavior. Please, come with me.”

Leigh-Anne starts to follow Caroline, but before they can leave Liam stops them. “Wait, Caroline?”

Caroline turns around, exasperated. Liam knows that she’s pulled a lot of strings for him already, but at least this time he has a good excuse.

“That guy was being really rude and insulting me and my—boyfriend,” Liam says. The word feels odd on his tongue as he’s never said it out loud before in this context. But he likes it. “Leigh-Anne was just defending me. And Amity means friendship, and that’s all Leigh-Anne was doing. She was just being a good friend.”

Caroline sighs, and Liam knows he’s got her. “There was still no need for her to use that kind of language against him.”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” Leigh-Anne says quickly. “I was just so annoyed that he was being so mean to Liam, and being in Candor I was always taught to speak my mind—”

“Well you’re not in Candor anymore,” Caroline snaps, and Leigh-Anne shuts up immediately. There’s a moment where they all hold their breaths, wondering if Caroline is still going to force Leigh-Anne to take Peace Serum. And then— “Okay, Leigh-Anne, you’re off the hook. But don’t let this happen again.”

Leigh-Anne breathes a sigh of relief, and smiles at Caroline. “No problem,” she says. “I promise from now on I’ll be kinder.”

Caroline nods and leaves them alone. Jade laughs, tugging Leigh-Anne into a hug. Liam notices her whispering something in Leigh-Anne’s ear. And then Leigh-Anne’s eyes widen and she’s telling Liam and Niall that they’ll see them later as she tugs Jade out of the room.

“That went better than expected,” Niall says. “See, no one cares that you like boys. Except that one guy, but seriously, fuck him.”

Liam nods, but he’s still not completely satisfied. “Everyone in Amity might be okay with it, but that guy was from Erudite. And if he thinks that way, what about everyone else in Erudite? What if they do remove the Maliks from their positions and make them factionless?”

“Hey,” Niall says softly, rubbing a hand down Liam’s arm. “Don’t worry about that anymore. I know you love Zayn, but what happens in Erudite shouldn’t be your concern. You live in Amity now. Faction before Blood, remember?”

“Yeah,” Liam says half-heartedly, “Faction before Blood.”

***

A hand clamps over his mouth the second he enters his room, silencing his scream. He struggles against the person holding him tightly, wishing that Niall hadn’t gone off to shower after they finished in the fields.

“Hey,” a familiar voice says softly. “It’s okay. It’s me.”

Once Liam stops struggling, Zayn removes his hand from Liam’s mouth. Liam whirls around, trying to make out Zayn’s features in the darkness. Zayn smiles sheepishly, but Liam refuses to return it.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Liam says. “And why would you do that to me? Were you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Sorry,” Zayn says, and he actually sounds sincere. “I just don’t want anyone to know I’m here. I could get in a lot of trouble if someone found out.”

“Then you’re lucky my roommate decided not to come back with me tonight,” Liam says as he passes Zayn to sit on his bed. He pats the space next to him, and Zayn immediately obliges.

“I didn’t know you had a roommate,” Zayn says, nervously looking around the room. “When will he come back?”

“We’ve got some time,” Liam assures him. “He’s showering right now, and he tends to take long ones. But you’ve got nothing to worry about anyway. He’s really nice and he knows how to keep a secret.”

“That’s good,” Zayn says, visibly relaxing. “What’s his name?”

“Niall,” Liam responds, but quickly adds, “But stop trying to change the subject. What are you doing here, Zayn?”

“You remember what I said Lou Teasdale hired me to do?” Zayn says after a brief moment of hesitance.

How could Liam forget? “So that’s why you’re here,” Liam says drily as he narrows his eyes at Zayn. “To take me back to her and have me killed?”

Zayn shakes his head vigorously, much to Liam’s surprise. “No, of course not. Li, I would never—even if I was actually doing my job I would never put you in harm’s way.”

“Wait—what?” Liam stammers. What is Zayn even saying right now?

“You ran off before I could finish explaining yesterday,” Zayn says. “I told you that Lou Teasdale _hired_ me to hunt down Divergents, but I didn’t tell you that that’s not what I’m doing.”

“It’s not,” Liam says, unable to express more than two word sentences from his shock.

“It’s not,” Zayn repeats. “I’ve been using the technology she gave me to hunt them down, but then I warn them to be careful and not let anyone know what they are. Li, I’m trying to _save_ Divergents.”

Liam stares at him with wide eyes. Of course Zayn is trying to save Divergents. Liam can’t believe he would even think that Zayn would want to kill him. And he’s so relieved that he can’t help but throw his arms around Zayn and tackle him onto the bed.

“You’re—you—I love you,” Liam says unintelligibly as he straddles Zayn’s waist.

Zayn laughs, putting his hands on Liam’s hips to balance him. “I love you, too. No more misunderstandings?”

Liam grins, leaning in. “No more misunderstandings.”

Zayn lifts his head up to meet Liam halfway, and this kiss feels so much more important than any other kiss they’ve ever shared. Because Liam lost trust in Zayn, but now that he’s gained it back, he feels more certain than ever that he can believe in Zayn.

Liam pulls back suddenly, though, as he realizes something. “You never really answered me,” he says, and Zayn groans.

“Really Liam?” Zayn says, his fingers trailing up Liam’s sides underneath his shirt. “That’s what you want to focus on?”

It’s really not, but Liam won’t be able to fully enjoy this if he doesn’t ask. “What are you doing here exactly?”

Zayn stops his movements as he freezes up. He looks away from Liam and bites down on his lip. “I’m hiding,” he says quietly.

“Hiding,” Liam repeats, not quite understanding. And then he thinks over everything that Zayn just told him. “From Lou Teasdale. She found out that you weren’t doing what she asked you, didn’t she?”

Zayn nods, looking up at Liam. And Liam realizes that he’s scared, an emotion he doesn’t think he’s ever seen on Zayn’s face before. Zayn has always been the confident one, the one in control and taking care of Liam. Now it’s Liam’s turn to do the same for him.

“She asked me why I haven’t turned anyone into her,” Zayn explains. “And I didn’t know what to tell her, I couldn’t just say that I was trying to help them. So I said that I hadn’t done anything yet, and she said that if I didn’t start that she would make sure I failed my initiation tests and make me factionless. So as soon as work ended, I ran.”

Liam remains silent, wondering how someone could be so awful and not care about anyone except herself.

“I’ll keep you safe,” Liam says after a while. “I won’t let anyone find you here.”

Zayn’s face lights up and he kisses Liam again. Liam loses himself in Zayn’s lips, letting Zayn open his mouth and slowly explore Liam’s mouth with his tongue. Zayn runs his hands along Liam’s back gently, taking time to explore the skin and the muscles.

Liam pulls away from him, sitting up so that he can take his shirt off. Zayn gapes at him, and Liam realizes that he must look a little more toned than he used to from working in the fields all day. He blushes under Zayn’s gaze, resisting the urge to cover himself back up.

He leans back down, trailing his lips along Zayn’s cheek and jaw. Zayn pushes his hands under Liam’s pants, cupping his ass. Liam bites down on Zayn’s neck when Zayn squeezes his ass, quickly licking over it so that it doesn’t hurt so much.

“Do you want to do this?” Zayn pants against Liam’s cheek. Liam looks up, furrowing his brow in confusion. “Like—you know?”

Liam smiles at Zayn’s embarrassment, and kisses him softly. “I love you,” Liam says. “I’m ready for whatever you want.”

“I don’t want to do _everything_ ,” Zayn says. “Just—maybe, like—we can get each other off or something.”

Liam nods. “Okay. I’m okay with that.”

It’s not perfect, the way they fumble around as they rearrange themselves on the bed and take their clothes off. Liam doesn’t waste any time surging into Zayn and kissing him sloppily. Zayn smiles against Liam’s mouth, and reaches down in between them to take their cocks into his hand.

Liam moans at the way his cock feels sliding against Zayn’s, and the way Zayn slowly rubs his hand over it. Liam desperately thrusts up into Zayn’s hand, burying his head into his shoulder as the sensation becomes too much.

Zayn kisses the side of Liam’s head, moving his hand faster. Liam knows that he’s probably not going to last that long, but he doesn’t think it matters considering Zayn is just as far gone as he is.

And maybe that’s why they don’t notice the door opening until they hear Niall’s scandalized, “What the fuck?”

Liam and Zayn jump apart, staring at Niall with wide eyes. Liam grabs at the blanket, trying to cover themselves and keep some form of decency.

“You know what,” Niall says as he slowly backs out of the room, “I think I’ll let you guys finish. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

He slams the door shut and Liam stares at Zayn for a second before bursting into laughter. “Well that was mildly embarrassing,” he says.

Zayn chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re still hard though.”

Liam shrugs, pulling Zayn back in. “I’m a teenager, what can I say?”

It doesn’t take long before Liam’s coming, spilling over Zayn’s hand and grasping desperately at his back. Zayn follows soon after while Liam is leaning against him, trying to catch his breath. They sit there for a while, gasping and heaving in each other’s arms.

Finally, Liam says, “We should probably get dressed and let Niall back in.”

Zayn nods and they both get up. Liam cleans them up with his shirt, and grabs a new one from his dresser. He lets Zayn borrow some of clothes, hoping that it will help him blend into Amity’s community, that is, if they don’t recognize him from the newspaper.

Liam lets Niall back in, who had been standing right outside the door. The first thing he says when he comes into the room is, “I’m surprised you guys were so quiet.”

Liam blushes, but Zayn is grinning. He holds out a hand to Niall. “I’m Zayn, Liam’s boyfriend, although that was probably obvious considering the state you found us in. You must be Niall, Liam’s roommate.”

“I must be,” Niall says, eyeing Zayn’s hand warily. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I want to shake that, though.”

Zayn nods in understanding, pulling his hand away and placing it low on Liam’s back. Liam leans into the touch, and says to Niall, “So you’re probably wondering why Zayn is here, right?”

Niall just stares at him, clearly waiting on an explanation. Liam gives it to him, letting Zayn interject with some clarifications, until Niall is gaping at them.

“How’d you get out of Erudite without anyone noticing?” Niall asks.

Zayn shrugs. “It’s easy if you know where to go. I’ve done it plenty of times.” He winks at Liam and Niall pretends to throw up.

“You two are disgusting,” he says. “I hope you guys figure out where Zayn is going soon so I don’t have to deal with this for too long.”

“What do you mean?” Liam asks, and Zayn looks just as nonplussed.

“Well you can’t expect to hide here forever,” Niall says as if this should have been obvious to both of them. “Lou Teasdale is going to find you eventually. And even if she doesn’t, Caroline will notice him at some point and ask questions. Please tell me that you’ve thought about this.”

Liam and Zayn exchange a look that clearly says that this thought never occurred to either of them. Niall sighs, and throws himself onto his bed.

“I’m exhausted so I’m going to bed,” Niall says. “I hope you two figure this shit out by tomorrow.”

***

Liam and Zayn have not figured that shit out by the next day.

Liam heads off to work long before Zayn is awake, leaving him a short note that says he’ll be back by noon and that if he hears anyone coming, hide in the closet. He’s sure that Zayn could have figured that out on his own, but Liam just wants to be safe.

Liam and Niall are in a much better mood today, despite the fact that they’re hosting a fugitive in their room. But they actually talk to everyone as they get their work done in the fields and no one even suspects a thing.

No one except Caroline.

When the buzzer sounds for lunch and everyone starts heading toward the community hut, Liam does the opposite, and Caroline does not let this go unnoticed. Liam doesn’t even realize she’s following him until he’s inside the dorm hut and he hears her footsteps on the wood.

He whirls around like he’s been caught with his hand down the cookie jar. “Caroline,” he gasps, “is there something you need?”

Caroline shrugs, trying to show Liam that she’s completely calm. Liam doesn’t buy it. “I was just wondering why you went here instead of to lunch with everyone else.”

“Oh,” Liam says, “right. I, uh, well I came here, you see—I forgot something.”

“You forgot something,” Caroline repeats incredulously. “Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind me following you to your room to go retrieve it then.”

“No,” Liam says before realizing that’s not at all what he wants. “I mean yes! I do—I do mind actually. Because, you see, my room is very messy and I don’t want to insult you.”

“I wouldn’t be insulted, Liam,” Caroline says. “Here, let me escort you.”

Liam has no choice but to obey. He hopes that Zayn doesn’t realize what time it is, and has hidden himself in the closet upon hearing their footsteps. His hopes fly right out the door, though, when he walks into his room, Caroline right behind him, and finds Zayn sitting cross-legged on his bed.

“Hey Li,” Zayn greets brightly, but his smile fades as soon as he sees Caroline. “Oh shit.”

“Oh shit indeed,” Caroline says, crossing her arms over her chest. “What do you think you’re doing here, Zayn?”

“Wait,” Liam says, looking between the two of them, “you know who he is?”

“Of course I do,” Caroline says. “He’s the son of two very influential council members. He was also in the paper yesterday, as you’ll recall.”

Zayn looks down at the mention of the paper, probably embarrassed. Liam wonders what happened to him yesterday, if he had people yelling at him all day the way that one guy did to Liam at lunch. He wants to wrap Zayn up in a hug, and tell him that it’s alright, but he can’t with Caroline standing right there.

“You still haven’t answered my question, though,” Caroline says. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m, uh…” Zayn trails off, clearly trying to come up with some lame excuse. Liam’s not very good at lying, but Zayn’s even worse. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and that makes it hard for him to hide anything.

“He’s in trouble,” Liam says when Zayn continues to struggle. Zayn gives him a look, silently pleading with Liam not to tell Caroline the truth. But Liam trusts her, and he tries to show Zayn that he can trust her too. “With Lou Teasdale.”

Caroline’s face softens, and that’s when Liam remembers that she had been an Erudite transfer too. She’s not young enough to have experienced Lou as a leader, but Liam wonders if she knew her when they were in school together.

“What kind of trouble?” Caroline asks in a low voice.

Zayn looks to Liam, asking if it’s okay, and Liam nods. “She asked me to hunt down Divergents for her,” Zayn tells her. “I refused and she told me to do it or she’d make me factionless. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran here. Please don’t make me go back there. I’m terrified of Lou, and what she’ll do to me. And I know that Divergents are supposed to be dangerous, but they’re still _people_.”

Caroline remains silent as she stares at Zayn. Liam thought that he could trust her, but the longer she keeps quiet, the more he wonders if he was wrong all along and that she’s going to turn Zayn back into Lou.

“Lou Teasdale is an idiot,” Caroline says, and that—that is not what Liam was expecting her to say. Before he or Zayn can respond, though, Caroline continues, “The only reason she’s so afraid of Divergents is because they disrupt the careful order of the system this city has created, the one where Erudite is on the top. Because they don’t fit into any one faction, she thinks they’re going to riot and create some kind of anarchy. Like I said, she’s an idiot.”

“She’s an idiot with power,” Zayn says. “You may not agree with what she says, but she has influence over a lot of people. She’s even got Dauntless on her side, and she’s going to use them to try and destroy Abnegation.”

“What?” Caroline gasps. This is clearly news to her. “She can’t—she can’t do that.”

“She is though,” Zayn says. “She thinks they’re hiding Divergents and they can’t be trusted. And Dauntless, for some reason, actually believes her. You’re a leader, you have to convince her that this is wrong.”

“I don’t make any decisions that the entire community hasn’t agreed upon,” Caroline says. “And I can’t tell them this. It will create chaos and terror.”

“Caroline,” Liam says, “I know that’s how it works around here, but since this is an emergency don’t you think you can ignore the rules? Innocent people are going to die if no one does anything.”

“I—” she looks at Liam and Zayn, and she must realize how terrified they are because she backs off. “You’re right, this cannot happen. I’ll set up a meeting with Lou tomorrow to tell her not to do this. But I can’t guarantee it will work.”

“Then we’ll warn Abnegation,” Zayn says quickly, and Liam feels a little proud of him. Zayn will make an amazing leader someday, if they ever get out of this.

“Lou will know it was me,” Caroline protests. “She’ll come after Amity and—everything will fall apart.”

“Everything is already falling apart,” Liam says. “But we have a chance to try and fix it.”

***

Caroline leaves Amity the next day to try and talk some sense into Lou Teasdale. She’s warned everyone that Zayn is staying there for a while, and that he is not a threat. Not that anyone would even think he was a threat considering half of Amity don’t even know what’s going on in the city right now.

Liam’s tried to convince Zayn to come to work with him, out in the fields, but Zayn still refuses to get up past noon. Liam doesn’t blame him; if he didn’t have to work he would take full advantage of it.

Zayn has no problem staying up late, though. Every time Liam falls into bed, Zayn stays up reading or writing. Liam doesn’t mind so much since he’s usually so tired that he falls asleep right away. But not tonight. Tonight, Zayn is poking at Liam’s side and kissing his neck in an attempt to wake him up.

Liam swats his hand in Zayn’s direction, but doesn’t end up hitting him. “G’way,” Liam mumbles, shoving his face into the pillow.

Zayn just kisses his cheek instead. “Never,” he promises. “Besides, I have a surprise for you.”

That peaks Liam’s interest. He opens one eye and glances up at Zayn, who’s staring down at Liam with a huge grin on his face. “What kind of surprise?” Liam asks.

Zayn shrugs. “You’re gonna have to get out of bed to see it.”

Liam groans, but lets Zayn pull him out of his bed. He blindly shoves his feet into his sneakers, careful not to wake up Niall. Zayn is less careful than Liam, managing to trip over nearly every floorboard in the room. Liam glares at him even though he can’t see it.

“Sorry,” Zayn whispers, and Liam wonders if his glare was so powerful that Zayn could actually feel it.

They make it out into the hallway, and now Liam’s awake enough that he starts giggling as Zayn tugs him out through the back. He has no idea where Zayn is taking him, but that doesn’t matter. It reminds him of when they both still lived in Erudite, when they would sneak out every night. It reminds him of times before everything got so fucking complicated.

“Shh, be quiet,” Zayn hisses, but he’s laughing too. “We’re almost there.”

“And where exactly is ‘there’?” Liam asks.

“Just be patient,” Zayn scolds. “That’s the whole point of a ‘surprise’. That you don’t know what it is.”

They seem to walk forever until Zayn stops them. He tells Liam to close his eyes, wanting him to be hit by the full effect. Liam does so without complaint, and Zayn starts leading him forward.

“Now open them,” Zayn says.

What Liam notices is the light, and the amount of it. It’s as if the world was flipped upside down and the stars were on the ground instead of in the sky. It’s amazing, the little dots of light lining the pathways and the ferris wheel of Navy Pier. He can’t believe Zayn did this.

“How did you—” Liam says, but Zayn’s already answering.

“I had a little help from some friends,” Zayn says, and Liam can hear the smile in his voice.

“A _little_ help?” a familiar voice says from somewhere behind them. “Please, I deserve more credit than that, Malik.”

Liam whirls around to find Harry and Louis standing behind them, holding hands. He looks between Zayn and Louis, looking for some kind of answer to the question he can’t quite get out.

Zayn answers first, it’s just not exactly what Liam was looking for. “Sorry we couldn’t be alone. In order to get them to help me I had to promise them they could come with us.”

“No, that’s fine,” Liam says. “I just wanted to know—how the hell do you even know Louis and Harry?”

Now it’s Zayn’s turn to look surprised. “Wait, you know Louis and Harry?”

“Everyone knows Louis and Harry,” Louis adds, but Harry’s the only one that laughs.

“Louis kind of warned me to stay away from Erudite,” Liam admits. “Because I’m, you know, Divergent.”

Zayn stares at Louis as he says, “That’s interesting. Louis’ the one who told me to help Divergents instead of hunt them.” He pauses, waiting for Louis to interject with something. When he doesn’t Zayn says, “Got something to tell me, Lou?”

“Okay, I’m Divergent,” Louis sighs. “Honestly, I thought you would’ve figured it out on your own, Zayn. Gotta say, I’m a little disappointed in you.”

“Hey Lou,” Harry says, tugging on Louis’ hand, “let’s just have a good night. We’re out with our friends, and we have no worries in the world right now, okay?”

Louis nods, and Zayn smiles at Liam. He takes Liam’s hand, and leads him down the hill to Navy Pier.

***

Liam doesn’t remember the last time he felt this free, this happy. Probably before he was forced to think about his future. But tonight, it’s just him and Zayn (and Harry and Louis, but they keep abandoning them to make out in empty buildings). It’s nice, and whenever he feels like he’s going to start freaking out, Zayn’s fingers squeeze around his, reminding him not to worry.

Zayn takes him out to the end of the pier, where it used to overlook Lake Michigan back before it dried up. Liam can just imagine the way the water would have looked, so serene and endless. Now, all he can see is dirt and grass that extends farther than he can imagine.

“I come here a lot,” Zayn says, breaking the silence. Liam looks at him, waiting for him to continue. “It’s usually not all lit up like this, but…it’s still nice. And peaceful. That’s what I like the most. The peace.”

Liam tugs at his hand, forcing Zayn to look away from the fields and at him. “What’s up?” he asks. “What’s on your mind? We used to tell each other everything, remember?”

Zayn sighs. “Yeah, I remember.” He takes a while before he finishes answering, “I’ve just been thinking about what Niall said. How I can’t stay hiding forever. And what if Caroline can’t convince Lou to back off of Divergents? And then she finds you and it’ll be all my fault—”

Liam leans in and kisses him, soft and slow, effectively cutting him off. Zayn loses himself in it, clearly glad for the distraction. Zayn licks at Liam’s lips, but Liam pulls away instead of opening his mouth.

“Everything will be okay,” Liam promises in a whisper. He cups Zayn’s cheek, stroking his thumb over it. Zayn leans into the touch with a soft look on his face. “And if it isn’t then… Then we’ll run away.”

Zayn laughs, but doesn’t dismiss the idea. “And where exactly would we go? Amity would be the first place she’d look because of Caroline, Erudite and Dauntless are out of the question. Everyone in Candor would refuse to lie about our whereabouts, and Abnegation is already a target of Erudite’s. Our only option would be to hide among the factionless, and I don’t know about you but I don’t really like eating food out of a can.”

“We could go beyond the wall,” Liam offers in a small voice.

Zayn gapes at him. “Do you even know what’s out there?”

Liam shakes his head. “No, but neither do you. No one does. For all we know it’s less dangerous out there than it is in here. I mean, why not go out there?”

“It might not be dangerous,” Zayn says, “but there are security cameras lining the wall. They’d catch us before we made it anywhere. It’s a…it’s a romantic idea, Li, but I don’t think it can happen.”

“Well hopefully we won’t have to worry about running away,” Liam says quietly.

Zayn wraps his arms around Liam, holding him close. “Let’s not worry about anything tonight. That’s what I wanted when I brought you here.”

“But—” Liam tries, but Zayn silences him by bringing a finger up to his lips.

“Just enjoy the moment, Li,” he says, and then covers Liam’s mouth with his own.

Liam grabs onto the front of Zayn’s shirt as he tries to pull him impossibly closer against his body. Zayn clings to Liam’s back as he deepens the kiss, licking into Liam’s mouth. Liam gasps into the kiss as Zayn’s tongue brushes against his own. Just as Liam is moving to kiss Zayn’s neck, there’s a shout from a few feet away.

“Should we—?” Liam starts when he realizes it’s Louis shouting.

“Just ignore them,” Zayn whispers, his lips brushing Liam’s jaw. “They’re probably just fucking around.”

“We’re not fucking around!” Louis shouts, as if he was able to hear what Zayn just said.

Liam stares at Zayn with raised eyebrows. It’s not that he wants to stop kissing Zayn, but they really should make sure Louis and Harry aren’t in some kind of trouble. Zayn sighs, and grabs Liam’s hand, leading him over to Louis and Harry.

“Fucking finally,” Louis groans. “And I thought we were animals.”

“What’s going on, Lou?” Zayn asks, clearly annoyed. “This better be important.”

“I promise, it is,” Louis says.

“We spotted some lights up on the hill,” Harry explains. “We think they might belong to cars.”

“What does that mean?” Liam asks, although he has a feeling he already knows.

“We think that Lou Teasdale has found us,” Louis says. “We need to find a way out of here without them noticing us. Any ideas?”

Zayn opens his mouth to respond, but he’s cut off by a clicking sound. A sound that Liam has only heard a couple of times in his life, but it sends chills down his spine like no other sound.

“Don’t even bother,” an unfamiliar voice says. “Teasdale! We found them!”

Liam watches as the leader of Erudite, dressed in a clean blue suit as if this were another day at the office, approaches them. She walks slowly, like she’s got all the fucking time in the world. When she’s finally in front of them, Liam notices she’s got a smug grin on her face. Liam wants to punch it off. If he was from Dauntless, he probably would.

“Well, well,” she says, studying the group of boys with a grin, “what do we have here? Mr. Malik, it’s nice to see you again.”

Zayn doesn’t say anything, but Liam notices him clenching his jaw.

“Roger, would you escort Zayn to my car, I’d like to have a few words with him in private,” she orders. “The rest of you, take the other three back to the labs. I want to have them tested for divergence. Oh, and make sure they’re in separate cars. We don’t want them making any escape plans on the way over to Erudite.”

A man goes to grab Zayn, and Liam immediately reaches out to stop him. He’s pushed back with so much force that he falls to the ground. He thinks he hears Zayn call out his name, and call the guy holding him an asshole, but Liam’s too busy struggling with another man to notice what he’s saying.

At some point he realizes it’s useless and goes pliant in the man’s arms. He tugs Liam along down the pier with no emotion on his face and shoves him into a car.

***

White walls, white floor, and a white ceiling. A bed with pristine white sheets and a thin white blanket. A white sink with a silver faucet. A white toilet. That’s it. That’s all there is in the room Liam’s being kept prisoner in.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been there at this point. An hour? Two? Maybe even a day. He doubts it’s been that long though, because he’s sure that someone would have brought him food by now if it’s been that long. At least, he hopes they’d be that nice.

He just wishes there was some way to know if Zayn was alright. He’s not Divergent, and he’s sure that Lou knows that, but he did betray her and run away, and who knows what the punishment for that is. At least Liam knows what his fate is.

He just wishes that they would hurry the fuck up and kill him already.

Occasionally he hears voices outside, and his heart rate will pick up in excitement and fear. Excitement that he’ll finally be getting the hell out of this cell. Fear that he’ll be dead soon. He wonders if Louis and Harry have already been tested. If they’re already dead.

He goes back to staring at the white ceiling.

How the hell did all this happen anyway? Obviously Caroline was unable to negotiate with Lou and convince her that her plan was crazy. Lou probably suspected Caroline of hiding Divergents and went to Amity in search of them. She probably found a few (Liam doubts that he was the only Divergent living in Amity).

But then how did she know about Liam and the others being at Navy Pier?

Maybe Niall told Lou about him? No, there’s no way that he would betray Liam like that. And Liam was careful, no one else could have known that he was Divergent. But maybe—maybe someone else revealed that _Zayn_ had been hiding out in Amity.

That makes the most sense. Everyone knew Zayn was there, and they probably didn’t know that he was trying to hide from Lou, or why he would be. He’s sure that if Lou had asked someone, _anyone_ , they would’ve mentioned that Zayn had been there.

“Liam Payne?” he hears a voice call from the other side of the cell.

He sits up, and his heart starts racing more than ever now. It’s time. “Yes?” he answers.

The cell opens and a clean-cut man wearing a blue blazer and darker blue pants stares at him. “You’re ready for testing.”

Liam nods and stands up. He passes through the door, expecting to find a small army of Lou Teasdale’s henchmen waiting for him. Instead he finds—

_Leigh-Anne_?

Liam opens his mouth to question her, but Leigh-Anne shakes her head subtly. What the fuck is going on? Is she here to break him out? Or has she been working for Lou Teasdale this entire time?

He’ll just have to wait and see.

Leigh-Anne stands behind him as the man leads them down the corridor, past even more of those dull prison cells. Liam wonders how many people, how many Divergents, are waiting here for their sentencing.

They enter a small antechamber with a steel door. The man turns to Liam and Leigh-Anne and tells them to wait there. Then he disappears through the steel door, and Liam catches a glimpse of even more white walls. Lovely.

“Fuck, I thought we’d never get rid of him,” Leigh-Anne says. Then she grins at Liam. “Hi there. Never thought you’d see me again, huh?”

“No, I—” Liam can’t believe what’s happening. In fact, he can’t even form any words to express how grateful he is that Leigh-Anne is here, standing in front of him right now. So he just throws his arms around her, squeezing her tightly.

“I missed you too, Liam,” Leigh-Anne says, hugging him back. “But he’s going to come back any second, and we need to not be here when that happens. So…”

“Right,” Liam nods, letting her go. He lets Leigh-Anne lead the way out of the area and she explains the escape plan along the way.

“So Niall was freaking out when you didn’t come back the other night,” Leigh-Anne says, pressing her back against a wall before peeking around a corner. “And then Caroline called a community meeting and told us that she has reason to believe that Lou Teasdale took you and Zayn back to Erudite to test you for divergence. And then she called for people to help rescue you.”

“Wait,” Liam says, trying to catch up both physically and mentally, “ _Caroline_ planned this?”

Leigh-Anne nods. “Jade went to find Zayn, claiming that she was delivering some food from Amity for Erudite. Niall and I pretended to be Amity spies for Lou, and we’ve been following random scientists around, hoping that _someone_ would lead us to you. Looks like I won. Niall owes me five bucks.”

“So it was just the three of you?” Liam asks, hope deflating in his chest.

Leigh-Anne gives him a sympathetic smile. “It’s not that people hate you, Liam. Although, I think a lot of people are jealous that Caroline likes you so much. But I think most of them were too afraid to break into Erudite. I guess that’s why they chose Amity over Dauntless.”

“The Amity are brave,” Liam counters. “Just in their own way.”

Leigh-Anne grins. “It’s good to have you back, Liam.”

If Leigh-Anne had been paying more attention when she said that, she wouldn’t have turned the corner and gotten shot. Liam sees Leigh-Anne fall to the floor before he even registers the gunshot. He gasps, pressing himself against the wall, hoping that whoever shot her doesn’t turn the corner.

“Fuck you, asshole,” Leigh-Anne groans, trying to sit up. From where he’s standing Liam can tell that she wasn’t shot anywhere near her chest, though he can’t see the wound. He hopes it’s not fatal. “He’s gone, Liam. Bastard left as soon as I fell. He probably thought he killed me.”

Liam sighs in relief; that could have been much, _much_ worse. The guy could have stayed to make sure Leigh-Anne was dead, he could have turned the corner, found Liam, and shot him too. He guesses there’s a reason why he’s in Erudite instead of Dauntless.

He helps Leigh-Anne up, and sees blood starting to stain her blue shirt by her right hip. Leigh-Anne bites her lip, leaning heavily on Liam. “God,” she gasps, “I really hope that isn’t going to affect the way I walk for the rest of my life.”

Luckily they’re almost out of the building, according to Leigh-Anne. She says that she radioed into Caroline that she retrieved Liam, and a truck from Amity is waiting for them behind the building.

“How long was I gone?” Liam asks as they push through the door.

“We woke up a couple of hours ago,” Leigh-Anne says. “If you were taken in the middle of the night then you’ve been gone for around six hours.”

“And did Lou take anyone else from Amity?” Liam asks.

Leigh-Anne shakes her head. “I think she was planning to, considering she came storming in there with her army and everything. But I guess she decided that even if there were Divergents among us, we weren’t dangerous enough.”

That makes Liam feel so much better. Then again, he doubts Caroline would have only sent in three people to save multiple Amity citizens.

He helps Leigh-Anne into the truck, and then turns around to go back into the building, determined to help get Louis and Harry out of there. Maybe even help Jade find Zayn if he has time.

But Leigh-Anne stops him. “Um, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Leigh-Anne asks. “No way in hell you’re going back in there. I told you, Jade is looking for Zayn.”

“I know,” Liam says. “But my friends—Louis and Harry—are in there. I’m not going to let them die.”

“You just got out of there, Liam,” Leigh-Anne protests. “I’m not going to let you go back and risk your life for your friends. I’ll do it.”

“No,” Liam says. “You have to get back to Amity and patch up your wound.”

“Then you’re coming with me,” Leigh-Anne says. Before Liam can argue she continues, “I’ll radio Niall and tell him to look for your friends. Now get into the truck Liam before I get out and force you in here myself, fucking my hip up even more in the process.”

Liam gives the building one last forlorn look, and then hops into the truck.

***

Liam’s sure that more time passes waiting for Zayn to come back than he spent in the cell waiting for his death sentence. Except, there he at least had the certainty of his fate. Now, he doesn’t even know if Zayn will make it back, or Louis, or Harry. All he can do is wait.

He has Leigh-Anne to keep him company at least. He sits by her side in the med hut as Amity’s doctor patches up her hip. She explains to Leigh-Anne that bullet embedded itself just above her hip, and that if it had hit her just an inch lower she would never be able to use that leg again.

“You’re incredibly lucky,” the doctor tells Leigh-Anne as she stitches her up.

“If I was really lucky I wouldn’t have gotten shot in the first place,” Leigh-Anne argues. The doctor doesn’t say anything to them after that.

Liam’s grateful for Leigh-Anne’s jokes and teasing. Without her, Liam would be losing his mind with worry.

He realizes just how fast this all happened. Just a few weeks ago, he was taking his aptitude test, being told he was Divergent. Just a few weeks ago, he met Niall and Jade and Leigh-Anne and was just starting to get used to the Amity way of life. Just a few days ago Zayn ran away from Erudite and confessed to Liam that he’d been helping Divergents escape Lou.

Just a few hours ago he was having what was supposed to be the best night of his life.

And over the past six hours he’d been kidnapped, locked up in a jail cell, taken to be executed, and then rescued by Leigh-Anne.

How could all of that have happened in just a few short hours, and yet this past hour waiting for Zayn has seemed like the longest hour of his life.

He hears a couple of trucks pull up outside and he sits up. He feels bad leaving Leigh-Anne all alone in here when she’s in pain. But she waves him off, knowing how worried he’s been about Zayn, Louis, and Harry.

Liam runs outside just as Zayn is jumping out of the truck. His clothes are rumpled and he’s got bruises all over his face. Liam feels his breath catch in his throat at the sight of him, and he runs towards him, needing to touch him just to assure himself that he’s here, he’s _alive_.

Liam flings himself into Zayn’s arms, catching him by surprise. Zayn falls backwards, but he’s laughing as Liam covers his face in kisses, muttering, “You’re okay, you’re okay,” over and over again.

Zayn holds Liam’s face in his hands, looking him in the eyes. “ _You’re_ okay,” he says. He scans Liam’s face quickly for bruises that match his own, and when he sees that Liam is completely unharmed, he kisses him fiercely. “I can’t believe you’re alive, Li,” he mutters between kisses. “I thought they’d killed you for sure.”

“Leigh-Anne got me out just in time,” Liam says, pulling away. “I had no idea what they’d do to you. Oh god, I can’t believe they _hurt_ you.”

Zayn shakes his head. “It’s okay. I’ll heal. If no one had gone to save you—Li, you’d be _dead_. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they killed you.”

Liam doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he just kisses Zayn again. He forgets that they’re lying on the ground, right there for all of Amity to see. He’s so lost in everything that is Zayn that he doesn’t realize how inappropriate this is until someone kicks his side.

“Hey man,” he hears Niall say.

Liam looks up and grins. He stands up and pulls Niall into a bone crushing hug. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

Liam nods. “Me too. Did you find Louis and Harry? Are they okay?”

“Maybe if you looked away from your boyfriend for once in your life you would know that we’re fine,” Louis says.

Liam unwinds himself from Niall and smiles at Louis. “Niall’s not boyfriend, you know that.”

“I do,” Louis says. “I’m talking about the one you just spent like five minutes kissing. Honestly, Liam, you’re more self-absorbed than I am. And that’s hard to do.”

“Louis,” Harry chastises him, but he’s grinning. “It’s good to see that you’re alright, Liam.”

“Thanks Harry,” Liam says.

“I’d hate to break up this nice little reunion,” Liam hears Caroline say, “but we have some important matters to discuss. Can I talk to Liam, Zayn, and—what did you say your names were?” She looks in Louis and Harry’s direction.

“I’m Louis,” Louis says, “and this is my boyfriend, Harry. We’re both from Erudite.”

“Of course,” she says. “Would you four please come speak to me in private?”

Liam feels a little bit like he’s being sent down to the principal’s office like in school. But at least Zayn is walking beside him, holding his hand tightly. Liam’s not sure if it’s to make Liam feel better or himself. Maybe it’s a little bit of both.

Caroline leads them to where they usually have their group sharing sessions. It’s so strange being here with Zayn, Louis, and Harry, who have probably never done anything like that in their lives. There’s nowhere for anyone to sit (usually everyone sits on the ground) so they all just stand in a small semicircle in front of Caroline.

“So,” Caroline says, clapping her hands together, “what are you going to do?”

They all look at each other. Surprisingly, Harry’s the first one to speak. “What do you mean?” he asks. “I thought we’d just lay low for a while. Are we not welcome here?”

Caroline sighs, sounding a little frustrated. “Of course, everyone is welcome here. But… you four are fugitives now, you escaped Lou’s labs, and she’ll be looking for you. You could hide here, but I’m afraid that this will be one of the first places she’ll look. Even if it wasn’t, she’d come here eventually as there’s only so many places you could hide. And I don’t want to put the people here in danger. You understand, don’t you?”

Liam does. He knows that there’s really only a couple of options. They could stay with the factionless, but they’d still be in the city where Lou could find them at any point. Or, they could go—

“I think you should leave Chicago,” Caroline says.

They all react differently. Louis’ eyes widen, and he protests loudly that whatever is beyond the wall is very dangerous, that they could die. Harry just stares at Caroline silently, not even trying to silence Louis. Zayn bites his lip, and Liam knows that he’s coming up with a mental pros and cons list. And Liam—Liam just nods.

“It’s not like a monster in your closet,” Caroline says. “But I’m sure it’s not completely devoid of people either. Whatever is out there, I’m sure you’ll survive. You’ve survived thus far.”

“But you just said it yourself,” Louis counters, “we don’t _know_ what’s out there. For all we know, it’s even more dangerous than Lou Teasdale.”

“Sometimes the unknown is more terrifying than what’s in the unknown,” Zayn says, speaking for the first time. “And we won’t be alone, Lou. We’ll be facing the unknown together.”

“I take it you agree to the plan?” Caroline says.

“I haven’t got much of a choice,” Zayn says. “Plus, the pros outweigh the cons by far.”

“And you, Liam?” Caroline asks. “What do you think?”

Liam looks at Zayn instead of Caroline when he answers. “I think Zayn already knows that I’m not afraid to go outside the city.”

Zayn smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I think we’re going to sleep on it,” Harry says, looking at Louis for confirmation. Louis nods in agreement. “I don’t know if we’re ready to leave the city.”

“That’s quite alright,” Caroline says. “Just know that with every minute that passes, that’s another minute closer to Lou finding you.”

***

There’s a light drizzle of rain outside as Liam finishes stuffing his clothes into a bag. It’s not the best weather to travel in, but Liam and Zayn have to move quickly if they don’t want to be caught by Lou.

There was an article in the newspaper yesterday, declaring Liam, Zayn, Louis, and Harry as fugitives, and that everyone should be on the lookout for them. If they see them and report to Lou immediately they would be rewarded. If they see them and do not report to Lou, they will be punished.

Needless to say, Louis and Harry made up their minds to leave the city pretty quickly after that.

Liam’s glad that he and Zayn won’t be alone. He thinks that it will give them a better chance at surviving whatever the hell is out there. He wishes that more people could join them.

But Niall’s got a family back in Amity that he can’t leave. Leigh-Anne is still too injured to even work in the fields at the moment. And Jade refuses to go anywhere without Leigh-Anne. As for Liam and Zayn’s families…

He can only hope that he’ll see them again someday.

“You ready to go, babe?”

Liam turns to see Zayn leaning against the doorway, a dark green backpack slung over his shoulder. He’s smiling at Liam, but his eyes are dark and sad. Zayn was never as close with his family, and he never made as many friends in Erudite as Liam did in Amity, but it’s still hard for him to leave the city he grew up in.

“Almost,” Liam says, grabbing the last of his clothes and forcing them into his full backpack. He hears Zayn snicker behind him.

“Li, you should have let me help you back,” he says. “Or you should’ve at least folded your clothes.”

Liam sticks his tongue out at Zayn, and grins when he manages to get the zipper closed. He pulls his backpack on—the same dark green as Zayn’s—and heads towards the door. He gives the room one last look around, realizing that Niall is going to be all alone now. Maybe he’ll find someone new to room with. Or, if Liam’s being overly optimistic, he’ll even come back one day.

Liam follows Zayn out of the room and outside of the hut. There’s a small gathering of people that have come to say goodbye to them.

He hugs Leigh-Anne first, thanking her for saving him, and taking a bullet for him.

“Any time,” Leigh-Anne says. “Well, actually, I’d rather not do it any time, but it is what it is, you know.”

He laughs and gives her one last pat on the back. He turns to Jade, who’s clutching Leigh-Anne’s hand while she tries not to cry. But then when Liam looks at her, she bursts into tears and flings her arms around Liam.

“I’ll miss you so much,” she says, burying her face into his shoulder. “You were so calm compared to everyone else. You kept our little group sane.”

“You’ll find someone else like that,” Liam promises, running his hands up and down her back to soothe her. “I’m not one of a kind.”

She pulls back, and even though there’s a constant stream of tears on her cheeks, she’s smiling. “Oh Liam.” And that’s all she says before she steps away from him and back into Leigh-Anne’s arms.

Niall backs away from Liam as soon as he turns to face him. “No way, man. You are not going to make me fucking cry.”

Liam grins, pulling Niall into a hug. Niall squeezes back tightly, and Liam can feel him shaking in his arms. “Fuck you, I told you not to make me cry.”

“You’re the best friend I could’ve asked for,” Liam tells him. “You were always there for me, you supported me through everything. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

When Niall pulls away his eyes are rimmed with red and tears are falling down his cheeks. “Don’t say that, okay?” he says. “Don’t talk like you’re never coming back. You better come back or I’ll fucking kill you, alright?”

Liam nods, but he doesn’t have the strength to say anything else, so he just pulls Niall into another hug. When they’re finished, Caroline pulls him aside for a quick word of advice before he leaves.

“I want you to be very careful out there,” Caroline tells him. “If you see anyone out there, I want you to be sure that they’re friendly, that they’ll help you out before you engage with them.”

“Got it,” Liam nods. “Thank you so much, Caroline. For everything. You’re an amazing leader.”

She smiles, and Liam can tell that even she is trying to hold back tears. “Not a leader. I’m a representative.”

Liam shakes his head. “I don’t believe that for a second.”

She doesn’t hug him, just lets him go. He runs to catch up with where Zayn, Louis, and Harry have been waiting while he said his goodbyes. Just before he reaches them, Caroline shouts his name.

“Yeah?” he calls back, wondering what else she has to say.

“Be kind,” she responds, and then turns away.

Liam smiles at her retreating figure. He grabs Zayn’s hand, and together they walk towards the wall.


End file.
